Mom has been in assisted living for 6 weeks. She wakes up everyday and believes that she is going to be released to go home. She even calls me to pick her up, saying that she has been released and needs a ride home. It really does bother me that she believes that she is going home. The staff at the assisted living center feel it's better to just keep saying "not today" instead or "you are not ever going home". I guess I still want to believe that my mom has some rational thought and will understand if she is told, but I remember the doctor talking to her about her vascular dementia and she has no recollection of it. How would you handle this? It just seems so unfair that she always is awaiting going home.
My Mom too asks every day, sometimes several times a day when she can come home from hospice. Sometimes she even says, "I can't eat my lunch because I'm coming home with you." She even called me 2x last night asking why I didn't come and pick her up and where was I? The 2nd time she called I told her that she already called and it took a while for her to remember that she already called. She was worried about me because I didn't show up to pick her up. It hurts me tremendously when she gets like that. Sometimes she's crying on the phone and it just about kills me. The only thing I always say to Mom is that I must speak to the doctor first and that I cannot release her until that. That appeases her for the time being, until the next day, then the same question arises and I give her the same answer. It appeases her till tomorrow. Explaining why she cannot come home is useless, she is not able to understand that she has dementia and terminal cancer.
Yes, it is unfair that both our Mom's are waiting to come home. I think that is natural. Who doesn't want to live in their own home? And I know it must hurt you too as it does me. The situation with Mom always asking will never change. It is me who must change, to learn how to emotionally handle the situation. At first it was emotionally killing me, and it still hurts me, but not as much as the beginning. But still, hearing her pleading voice on the phone makes me want to cry. I don't think that there's an easy answer to your question or any answer at all that can get us out of this situation. It is what it is and part of the CG process even though both our Moms are in outside living facilities. God Bless you and give you the strength to go through this.