The doc's repeatedly tell my mother in law that she needs to wear her oxygen all the time, tht she needs to do specific breathing excercises several times a day, that she has to take certain meds at certain times of the day. She has become resentful towards me asking her if she has done them, gets aggravated when I tell her what she's supposed to do, and get's angry and defensive when I try to address that I've noticed a change in her memory. She is angry that she has lost her dependance, so I try to let her do what she can,and make her own decisions as much as possible but I know that lately they are not in her best interest. I don't know what to do anymore, I am tired of fighting with her about this and her doctor says that maybe having the choice to do these things or not is more important to her than the consequences they will bring to her health. How do I know if it's time to let go and let her choose, or if it's her stubborness and refusal to admit she needs even more help. I feel guilty watching her do things or not do things that i know will jepordize her health even more.
Rationalizing doesn't always work. You can't really rationalize with a two year old and that is what some of this behavior is, acting like a two year old. Firmness is required, and hard to learn with a parent. For instance, when mom refuses a shower, I just keep insisting repetitively. I don't tell her she stinks, that would just humiliate her and make her more rebellious.
So I applaude you for letting your loved one have a voice in thier life... how do we really know what the plan is... we don't... And M has been a fighter her whole life... can't they see how tired she is, how ready she is..... if they could just let her have her dignity.... all would be well.... thanks for letting me share this.... and ya'll are doing a wonderful job of being considerate of your elders choices.....hugs to you all.
Best wishes to you and blessings on you all!