We are going to have to separate my husband's parents in the next week. She is going to go to Memory Care--in the same complex just a different building, and he will move to a smaller room in the same house he is in. He is ready for it--longing for it. She has become increasingly incoherent, uncooperative, angry, lashing out at him. He calls us in tears often. He has dementia, but not to the extent she does. She is not herself enough to really understand or remember if we were to tell her today. To help with the angst we are not going to tell her until closer to move day. I know that this will be difficult. In her semi-lucid moments she will be very angry with us and with him. They have been married for 58 years, so this will be a big change, even though it's very needed for both their sakes. Has anyone been through this and can you give us any pointers? Things we can say or do to help with the transition?
I had to move my dad to memory care after mom died. I was dreading it but I just told him there was a better room available and moved stuff in while aides distracted him in the dining room. Mom died in April and he ocassionally asks about her. I tell him she’s in therapy, we’ll see her later and he’s good with that.
I had the same problem with my mum and dad. Mum had advanced Alzheimer’s and Dad had Vascular Dementia. She became very abusive and lashed out a lot at my Dad even though he is blind as well and hard of hearing. She disrupted his sleep every night as well and he needed a break. They were in a Nursing Home after I had to admit defeat trying to look after both of them.
We got a separate room for Dad on a different floor. He still spent a lot of his day with Mum but knew he had somewhere safe and peaceful to retreat to. We thought that Mum would react badly to the move but she didn’t. We never mentioned that he had a separate room and she forgot what normal was. She had a new normal. If she asked where he was we just said he had gone for a walk and would be back soon and this satisfied her. The staff said this as well and eventually she stopped asking.
They become like children and need to be handled that way.
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