She was recently diagnosed with a bowel obstruction and is refusing surgery. I do have an activated POA and can make all medical decisions for her. She is only 77 yrs old, with Alzheimer's/dementia. Should I honor her wishes? Or go against them. She fractured her femur in January and now has a hard time walking due to her refusing any physical therapy. When I attempt to get her moving, she gets very nasty and argumentative. She can barely move now, I can only imagine how it would be after abdominal surgery. She is very non-compliant. What do I do?
Another thing is she really isn't my grandmother, I just call her that. She lives with me due to her entire family abandoning her. I have been taking care of her for 3 years. I just recently started speaking to her daughter.
The doctor told me that if she is not going to have the surgery, she will be placed in Palliative Care.
My mother is 84, in relatively good physical health, but has Alzheimer's and is progressively declining mentally. She is at the stage where she sometimes knows there's something wrong with her, but can't comprehend what is happening. She gets very scared, and sometimes lashes out in bouts of frustration and anger. It's all part of the disease. During more lucid moments, she will comment that she doesn't want to be like this anymore and doesn't understand why she can't go be with my dad (he passed away 7 years ago).
If Mom were to face a life-threatening illness, I don't think we (my siblings and I) would opt for extreme measures but rather look to comfort and quality of life. Mom has had some stints in the hospital and nursing home for a few not too serious falls, and her mental decline each time was markedly greater. I couldn't imagine putting her through any more than is necessary. And if I ever develop this awful disease, I would hope my daughter would do the same for me.
Give your granny all the hugs and love and comfort you can. And God bless you all.
We lost my father in law many years ago to an abdominal aortic aneurysm for which he refused intervention. That surgery was more risky than this one, but even so, it had an 80% chance of success. My brother in law wanted to force him to have it done, but for better or worse, he was of sound mind and that would not have been legally possible. He lived a few more years, independently, before it ruptured. And we of course have no way to say for sure whether things would have been better or worse had he done things differently.
I have to admit I am happy to read this story turning out this way instead!
My mom is 90. She has a myriad of health problems, as well as dementia. She is tired. She is done. She sleeps most of the time. She told me a long time ago that she doesn't want treatment if she is diagnosed with something life-threatening. She knows that there is a better place, and she's not afraid to go there. If your "grandmother" doesn't want treatment, and her daughter is on board, just say no and let her go.
All the best as she recovers. Please keep us posted. I will keep her in my prayers. Hugs, xoxo
The surgery went fine, they found 3 adhesion's in her small intestine and removed about one foot of the intestine. Her prognosis is good! Now we will see how her recovery goes. My husband and I made the decision that she will not be coming home, after rehab she will go to a CBRF...too much stress....Thanks for all your comments and well wishes....
I respect and appreciate your dilemma. If you are religious pray on it, clarity and strength may come to you. I will do the same for you.
L
She has been on IV fluids since last Wednesday, they gave her a suppository and Miralax, nothing has helped. They had her swallow contrast today for a bowel follow thru and she vomited it up. She has had an NG tube in since Saturday and it's still draining.
You have our support. Don't let the daughter cloud your judgement. She will still have quality time in the next few wks to make amends or find closure if she chooses to do so. Sad, but we all have interesting family dynamics that aren't always well understood by outsiders. We aren't always kindest to those closest to us....