She was recently diagnosed with a bowel obstruction and is refusing surgery. I do have an activated POA and can make all medical decisions for her. She is only 77 yrs old, with Alzheimer's/dementia. Should I honor her wishes? Or go against them. She fractured her femur in January and now has a hard time walking due to her refusing any physical therapy. When I attempt to get her moving, she gets very nasty and argumentative. She can barely move now, I can only imagine how it would be after abdominal surgery. She is very non-compliant. What do I do?
Another thing is she really isn't my grandmother, I just call her that. She lives with me due to her entire family abandoning her. I have been taking care of her for 3 years. I just recently started speaking to her daughter.
The doctor told me that if she is not going to have the surgery, she will be placed in Palliative Care.
The surgery went fine, they found 3 adhesion's in her small intestine and removed about one foot of the intestine. Her prognosis is good! Now we will see how her recovery goes. My husband and I made the decision that she will not be coming home, after rehab she will go to a CBRF...too much stress....Thanks for all your comments and well wishes....
My mom is 90. She has a myriad of health problems, as well as dementia. She is tired. She is done. She sleeps most of the time. She told me a long time ago that she doesn't want treatment if she is diagnosed with something life-threatening. She knows that there is a better place, and she's not afraid to go there. If your "grandmother" doesn't want treatment, and her daughter is on board, just say no and let her go.
My mother is 84, in relatively good physical health, but has Alzheimer's and is progressively declining mentally. She is at the stage where she sometimes knows there's something wrong with her, but can't comprehend what is happening. She gets very scared, and sometimes lashes out in bouts of frustration and anger. It's all part of the disease. During more lucid moments, she will comment that she doesn't want to be like this anymore and doesn't understand why she can't go be with my dad (he passed away 7 years ago).
If Mom were to face a life-threatening illness, I don't think we (my siblings and I) would opt for extreme measures but rather look to comfort and quality of life. Mom has had some stints in the hospital and nursing home for a few not too serious falls, and her mental decline each time was markedly greater. I couldn't imagine putting her through any more than is necessary. And if I ever develop this awful disease, I would hope my daughter would do the same for me.
Give your granny all the hugs and love and comfort you can. And God bless you all.
See All Answers