Help! How do you keep from exploding. And if you don’t speak-up how do you keep from being eaten alive from the inside out? I’ve been on this Care sight for years, I’ve read tons of books and have seen a psychologist. I’ve heard all the recommendations about “taking care of myself”, I get it. I’m doing everything I can to save myself. BUT, I feel as if I’ve got a cement block tied to my ankle every day of my life, every minute of my life. Never, ever have I done so much for such abuse in return. With everyday that goes by my 90 year old mother gets nastier, more domineering, spiteful and divisive. She’s jealous and resentful of my friendships and has always attempted to create friction amongst her children.
She lives very well, independently and largely on my dime. I’ve bitten my tongue raw, internalized the stress and now I feel it’s affecting my health. It’s only gotten worse since the pandemic. I learned a while ago that when I express any frustration whatsoever it’s met with retaliation. I’m tired or venting to my friends, and it’s obvious they’re tired of hearing it. They listen and say, gee I’m sorry. I don’t know where to turn. I have six siblings who won’t deal with her and use her personality as their excuse. I’ve given up on thinking there’s any support there.
Can anyone tell me, an I wrong for not speaking up and then suffering the retaliation?
Leave.
Block her phone number. No one deserves this level of abuse.
Please read the book "Boundaries" by Townsend and Cloud. Read up on Fear, Obligation and Guilt, also known as F.O.G. Read about children of narcissistic parents.
Your siblings have figured this out. I think you should too.
Either your mother can pay for her own care or she can get public assistsnce like Medicaid to deal with that. This is NOT your job.
And NO, you are not wrong for speaking up, BUT you do NOT need to "suffer the retaliation". Stand up for yourself and set some boundaries. Can you walk away when your Mother starts to get nasty? You need to put yourself first.