My mom has been diagnosed with Vascular dementia. She has had two major falls in last 6months that led to hospital stay. Short term memory is bad. Has home help reluctantly. Goes about without a walker. Won't accept help with shopping. Cognitive function is affected. She has been told not to catch buses but does because she doesn't think anythings wrong. When do I get assertive for her own safety? I have POA.
I have become a world class actor and fibber. The home care nurse is an old girlfriend. I went to high school with the carpet cleaner. Sign these papers dad, in case anything should ever happen........My moms still pretty sharp but my acting skills have gotten so good that she is also fooled most of the time.
My point is, do WHATEVER it takes to make things happen. Some say they just don't feel right about fibbing to dad or mom. Fine. Then don't expect to get much done.
And remember, no short term memory can work to your advantage. My dad has blown his stack a couple times over me talking to his doc or finding out I paid a bill. But wait about an hour.....Never happened. Clean slate.
It sounds like you have the situation under control as much as you are able to. You can't force your mom to do anything right now. You can't physically pull her from the bus. And you're right, you're waiting for a crisis so you can implement some change in your mom's lifestyle. Many of us have found ourselves in the same situation. It's very difficult. Hang in there.
To force the issue with in home help or care facility. The last resort is filing for guardianship but that's not always so easy. Rember, with dementia no amount of reasoning is going to work. Do as much as you can in any way you can. But sometimes we just have to let things run their course in these situations.