I draw a disability check and Mother lives on her and Daddy's Social Security. There is strictly no money to give but my thing is...I gave up my life to move in here with and care for her, lost my husband and any chances of going back to work. She expects me to pay her. She makes triple what I draw on disabilty. She has no idea of what all i do to keep her here at her home. As I said I have no husband or siblings so I am the caregiver, the housekeeper, cook, home repair man. the mechanic, the errand runner, the laundry doer,the groundskeeper, the babysitter to my 4 yr old grandson,and the doctor taxi, etc. The list goes on and on. I honestly feel like i shouldn't have to pay 1/2 of all the bills. I need to be working my part time job just to make ends meet here. What I am asking is this...My dead sisters son is going to get 1/2 of this property (that I have to keep up alone) when Mother passes. Is it to much to ask that I get the entire home and land it sits on if he doesn't help pay for home repairs and help care for her ? This really urkes me that he doesn't even help cut the grass. I know Mother sees me as her baby but I am almost 50 years old and this is really running my body and my mental stability in the ground. I just don't know how much longer I can be super woman. I'm tired.
If your Mom wants you to pay her rent, figure out the daily rent, then hand your Mom an itemized bill for everything you do for them during the day and the hourly rate for each itemized item. Bet your Mom would wind up owing you money :)
I'm in Birmingham, so I know that subsidized housing may not be the best option in this area. I imagine your mother is somewhere around 80 years old and has a good bit of pain with her arthritis and depression. What would be nice is if you could talk to her and work something out that you both think would be fair. Personally I think that doing all the chores and errands more than pays for rent and utilities. As she gets older, your help may allow her to remain in her home. That would be priceless.
I wouldn't push to get all of the house and land. Parents want to leave something to all of their children, so she may not want to do that. I would work with your mother on the living costs and forget the property for now. I don't know how long you've been with your mother. It may be that her thoughts will change as she sees how much you do for her. It is not an easy circumstance, so I sympathize completely.
About paying bills -- what I do here is pay my own bills. Mom has her landline. I have my cell. Mom has her TV. I have my internet. I pay my share of groceries. She covers everything to do with the house, because it would be the same (budget plan) whether I was here or not. Funny thing is that, with dementia, she isn't even aware of my contributions. According to her she supports me totally. The truth is that her little check couldn't pay for it all. I used to tell her about the things I paid, but it went in one ear and out the other. I think it is important to her that she feels like she is caring for me, so I swallow a bit of pride and let her think it.
But I really do think that someone providing full-time care to their parents should expect room and board. I hope that as you are there longer your mother will also see the wisdom of leaving the house to you.
Your situation is different move out or pay nothing you are caring for her fulltime even if she dosnt see it thats the way it is. If you were not around how would she cope? they want it all dont they fulltime care and rent? i dont think so!
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