Mom won’t discuss these cognitive changes we see, and doesn’t want to talk about any of this with me, the only child. Husband says I should be calling nursing homes in the area to find out pricing, availability, etc. if/when time comes. Mom has reverse mortgage, so I don’t think there would be lots of care options. She does have a will and I’m POA.
When the big fall or illness occurs and mom is in the hospital, the discharge planners will tell you what level of care mom needs and if you've scoped out the territory, you will know which ones are acceptable.
As your mom's POA, you should know about her assets and income. This discussion should be entirely separate from the idea of living in a facility. It just makes sense on all levels for the POA to know what she has banked and what she has coming in.
I have 3 kids. My POA kids knows exactly what I have and where the passwords are. The other 2 know nothing.
I agree that I should have some knowledge base of her finances, but won’t give the info. I’ve tried giving her a list of info I should have in case something does happen to her - mostly contact info. She ‘yesses’ me to death, but never acts on it. I’ve asked for a list of her medications - won’t give me that either, even though I know she keeps a list in her wallet. All this to say, I agree with you - that it makes sense for me to know SOMETHING about her finances. But she doesn’t think this way. My next step is to contact the lawyer who drew up her will and POA to find out what can be done.
I’m glad you are well prepared and so happy for your children. They won’t have to go through what I am right now.
Yes you should start looking and find out requirements for her to enter a facility. The doctor has to prescribe it, so not really your decision.
And if mom is considered competent it is still her decision on where she wants to live.
Having her financial information would be helpful, but again, you are not entitled to that information unless mom allow it.
Tread lightly.
You can always call her doc to provide them information on your concerns, but again, they cannot tell you anything unless mom has signed a HIPPA release.
I suggest you meet with an attorney, or look up online about what you can and cannot do as a POA.
I don't know what to tell you except to do some research NOW, before the Event happens, and have your ducks lined up. Find out the Medicaid requirements in your state also, should the need arise to apply. In fact, set up a free consultation with an Elder Care Attorney and tell him what you've told us. Let him or her guide you accordingly.
I wish you the best of luck. It really is sad what some of our folks are willing to put us through, isn't it?
Its a good idea to look into LTC but be aware, she has to need care 24/7. If she is capable of caring for herself with just a little direction, LTC may not be an option. Medicaid may not pay if that is the route u have to take.
There are Assisted livings but most are private pay. This could be 5k or more a month. Memory care is for people pretty much into there Dementia and cost maybe a little more than an AL. Then there is LTC. 10k a month private pay. Medicaid may help when all assets are used for care.