My husband is not supposed to drive but he received a card in the mail that his license will expire in Nov. He hasn't been asking to drive lately but when and if he does I just won't let him but I think if I let it expire he may just leave it alone or he would have to take the test all over again and he would not pass. He will be very angry I think if he lets it expire but it would sort of be his fault if you catch my drift. He has mild Dementia for those of you that have not been reading my posts. Please help
To explain: *he* received a letter reminding *him* to renew his licence, yes? Give him the letter (you shouldn't withhold mail from him anyway). Leave him to it. With any luck he won't get round to it and he'll just let it lapse; but in any case there'll be no need for anyone to say a word about his having to stop driving, which would only rub salt in the wound. Presumably there are other forms of ID he can use? - not everyone has a driving licence, after all.
Since he is not declared incompetent, since you don't have P.O.A. or guardianship, do not let the legal consequences fall on you.
Give him the card. Give him the bill. If he asks you to pay it, do that, timely.
If he has to take a test, then so be it. This is the last vestiges of what we call dignity, dignity lost later in life.
If it expires and he doesn't know it, he could be in trouble for driving without a license when stopped. And it is a person's acceptable i.d., he needs i.d. so the subject will come up! Hiding this will just come back on you in a negative way.
Don't get me wrong, I am all for protecting our loved ones with dementia, but as their advocate, we have to follow the law. So in your case (being between a rock and a hard place), I suggest giving him the paperwork, see what he does. If I gave anything like this to my husband, he would do nothing, but then he only has an I.D. and doesn't drive. The sneaky is sometimes acceptable for their benefit, however, if one has to be the sneaky protector, that brings a whole new level of stress on you.
You say he is not driving lately. Is that because it all falls to you to control his behavior? I am familiar with that, if so, and it is both scary and stressful, no one should have to live like that. I have had some success backing off, letting some things go, and lightening up. But then, ultimately, a rescue or helps are necessary.
Do what is right for you and your husband, something you can live with without the guilt. Don't forget all the other choices you can make if things get bad.
Take care of tarajane, one day at a time. God may want to bless you with less chaos, less drama, more peace and love.