My 86yo mom just had a major health issue landing in hospital & rehab. Now is home. Primary doc told her "no stairs, no driving--non negotiable". I have the keys, not in the house. She is insisting on me returning the keys before I go on a weekend of respite! Care Manager tells me absolutely not, which I tend to go with. Has anyone any success in HOW to say no????
If you "go with" anyone else besides the care giver, you are being negligent in your responsibilities to your mom -- and every other driver on the road. Period.
My husband is going to be here with her for the weekend....she also has my niece and a nephew close at hand. I am still working on driving resources for her and that is coming along. Time, however, and wait are four letter words for Mom. Patience has never been her thing and now it is really non-existent.
My parents [who are in their 90's] still have a car in their garage. They stopped driving 5 years ago, and I am now their driver.... thus, lucky me, I get to drive that huge cruise ship size of a car.
For some reason, elders feel more secure knowing there is a car in the garage or driveway, and they have access to the keys, even if they no longer drive.
I use to get angry at this, but now I chuckle, as in winter Dad [92] wants to shovel the driveway in case there is an emergency and he and Mom need to get the car out of garage. Emergency? Use their car? Seriously? Nope, any emergency I will be dialing 911 and let the EMT's bring their own vehicles and do the driving :)
Simple let her know that you thought for sure the keys were in the hutch where you put them but you can't find them right now. Maybe one night in a dream you got up and hid them. Since the doctors and other decision makers about her condition have said no, maybe the dream was a safety net for the both o
Simple let her know that you thought for sure the keys were in the hutch where you put them but you can't find them right now. Maybe one night in a dream you got up and hid them. Since the doctors and other decision makers about her condition have said no, maybe the dream was a safety net for the both of you. Sit down when you do this and end with I love you. What can she do or say? She may get angry....but likely will anyway......Tell her how good she looks and ask her how she is feeling.
The suggestion to take the plates off is very foolish. It won't matter if there are plates on the car or not when she hits someone, another car or worse a person. Really bad idea.
It looks like the respite was for this weekend. How could you have any peace of mind if you knew mom had the car keys.
I had to take the car keys away several times from my Mother after her stroke. She had extra's stashed everywhere. OMG the woman may have dementia but when she wants to be sneaky she is stealth. She wouldn't have gotten any farther than sitting in the drivers seat since my brilliant husband disconnected the battery just in case;-) I stuck to my guns even though it hurt to see her so unhappy to loose that freedom. Actually the tantrums were epic and will forever be etched in my mind . I explained to her it was not only for her safety but every other driver on the roads. That it was the Dr. that revoked her driving officially. My final action was to take her to the DMV and have them take her license and replace it with a picture ID card. Being the self absorbed diva she is she was thrilled that the picture on the ID was better than her original license. LOL This was a hard one to deal with.
By the way I did find another key in her underwear drawer the other day. I have NO idea where it came from it's been 5 years since we went through this, and my sister has the car in another state. Like I said she can be stealth. Good luck!
I will have to try that the next time Dad thinks he will be able to drive.... I will mention that he wouldn't be able to brake in time because of his bad knees.