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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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My aunt is a resident in a nursing home. She’s always asking to go home. I want to let her visit her house but I am afraid once she is home, she will refuse to return to the nursing home.
No, you should not do this. You should let the aunt know that this is now her home and that won't change. To do this would be very upsetting and confusing.
Her request starts off as wanting to see her house then it trails on to her long term plans of living in her house. I’m sure she is also looking for “home” - the sense of self, independence, autonomy, and security. I can only visit once a month because I live in another state but it seems every time I visit, she gets hopeful that I will bring her home.
No, you do not take her home. One reason is "home" is not always the last place they lived. For my Aunt it was the house she grew up in. She was back into her childhood.
I don’t think your mother wants to visit her house -she wants to return to it in such a case I feel it may be counter productive to her health to visit. she wants to go home not reminiscent when she’s accepted living maybe a rethink but presently I’d say not a great idea reminiscencing is normal in other circumstances tho-I once had an elderly gentleman knock on my door and explain he used to live there many years ago and was there anyway he could see the garden I was in the house alone not greatest of ideas to agree’ but he turned out honest and all he wanted to do was have a final look at his old life/garden. I can understand that. I often feel like I’d love to see the house I grew up in until 7 - I even in past googled to look at the road. It’s natural to want to but in your mothers case it’s longing fur her old life which can only cause pain the past is gone.
No. This will cause confusion for her. Try to distract her with pleasant things she likes when she starts asking about home.
Remember “home” is more a feeling than a place. “Home” was one place when you were in grade school. “Home” was likely a different place when you were in High school. It was yet another place when you struck out on your own; maybe again if you got married and maybe yet another place when you had kids and so on.
Just try to distract her and be gentle and loving so she feels safe and loved like you do when you are at home (usually).
In general I would say " no" unless there is a good reason. Sounds like there is no real need. so dont do it then! there wont be any benefit to that.
on the other hand, I'm not following my own advice. My dad is 1) bugging everyone to move back home and 2) bugging me to take him there once to pick out some clothes and things to bring to his AL. My intention was to do neither, I told him to think of things he wants me to bring back. He said he cant remember and would not know until he sees them.
Then, on point 1, he went calling around family members begging someone to arrange a system that he can go back home (I have said I dont approve and would not be part of any such plan). THen, I have been getting all sorts of phone calls from family. I "negotiated" that I'll take him there once to pick up some things, I'll agree to that, but that family must fully and firmly support him that there is no avenue to move back home, and no one give him false hope that they can set it up. I may regret this, but figure there cant be too much harm further from one visit..... If we go and he pulls something crazy like trying to stay there overnight, I'll call APS....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I was happy there
Where things were familiar
And people cared.
💙
Is it a literal request to merely visit her old home for an hour or two?
(A dusty empty building? Or maybe one changed by it's new tennants).
Or is she asking for something else?
To go back in time, to a place, a feeling of security & familiarity?
How long has Aunt been in the NH?
in such a case I feel it may be counter productive to her health to visit.
she wants to go home not reminiscent
when she’s accepted living maybe a rethink but presently I’d say not a great idea
reminiscencing is normal in other circumstances tho-I once had an elderly gentleman knock on my door and explain he used to live there many years ago and was there anyway he could see the garden
I was in the house alone not greatest of ideas to agree’ but he turned out honest and all he wanted to do was have a final look at his old life/garden. I can understand that. I often feel like I’d love to see the house I grew up in until 7 - I even in past googled to look at the road. It’s natural to want to but in your mothers case it’s longing fur her old life which can only cause pain
the past is gone.
Remember “home” is more a feeling than a place. “Home” was one place when you were in grade school. “Home” was likely a different place when you were in High school. It was yet another place when you struck out on your own; maybe again if you got married and maybe yet another place when you had kids and so on.
Just try to distract her and be gentle and loving so she feels safe and loved like you do when you are at home (usually).
on the other hand, I'm not following my own advice. My dad is 1) bugging everyone to move back home and 2) bugging me to take him there once to pick out some clothes and things to bring to his AL. My intention was to do neither, I told him to think of things he wants me to bring back. He said he cant remember and would not know until he sees them.
Then, on point 1, he went calling around family members begging someone to arrange a system that he can go back home (I have said I dont approve and would not be part of any such plan). THen, I have been getting all sorts of phone calls from family. I "negotiated" that I'll take him there once to pick up some things, I'll agree to that, but that family must fully and firmly support him that there is no avenue to move back home, and no one give him false hope that they can set it up. I may regret this, but figure there cant be too much harm further from one visit..... If we go and he pulls something crazy like trying to stay there overnight, I'll call APS....
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