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How are they managing their medications?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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As much as you may want to do this for her---take it slow. We had dad at home, because mom had SO MUCH help. I don't know if we could do the same for mother.
A bedbound person requires 2 people to lift or turn. It's exhausting if you are the only caregiver.
Having been DH's ONLY caregiver for 5 major health incidents over the years--I can state that the next time he has some major health crisis, he's going to a rehab facility. I nearly killed myself trying to care for him alone. And now I have a chronically bad back and heart problems from the stress.
It doesn't mean I don't love him, but I know my limits. And they were met and almost did me in. All my kids were willing to help, but they all have small kids and lives of their own.
Take your time to make the decision. I really don't know anyone who is in a NH who WANTS to be there, rather than home with family. It just often that's not the best thing for them, long term.
It's possible for one person to lift, turn, and even transfer a bedbound person. I did it for years on my last job. I'd never do it again though. I've wrecked my body and am in constant pain from being on that job for those years. If Anin84 moves mom out of the nursing home and she needs to go back, there might not be availability in the same one.
Only if you can get additional help. A bedbound person is a tremendous job to provide care for, certainly more than any one person can keep up for any length of time
It is difficult when you see your LO in a facility and begging to come home. Please consider all of the sacrifices that you will have to make if you agree to this. Caring for a LO with dementia consumes all of your time and I do mean all. Things that you do now will be things of the past. When I cared for my mom, something as simple as sitting on my deck became problematic. I was her sole caretaker because I am an only child. Also beware of family and friends that say they will help because that usually doesn't happen. If someone does help out it is a one and done deal, because after they experience the severity of your LO condition they can't handle it. I can't say I blame them because caring for someone with dementia is like caring for a toddler or steroids. A person with dementia doesn't want you watching their every move (even though it is necessary to avoid having the house burned down or flooded amongst other things) because they think they are functioning perfectly well. My mom was in the home with my husband and myself for 4 years and a memory care facility for approximately 2.5 years prior to her passing and I still feel mentally drained from caring for her (she passed January 2021). I hope that things work out for all involved.
You are right Grace21. Adult children have the best of intentions when they move an elderly parent in their house to take care of them, but it takes over your life and becomes your life. I'd tell anyone to explore every other possible care option there is to avoid moving mom and dad in.
Do you wish to take care of her 24/7 for however many years she lives, given she will worsen in condition continuously? You will not find many in the nursing home who wish to be there; very few would refuse a chance to move home. This is called normal. I think you know that you cannot and should not do this return home for your Mom. I think you are grieving, as is she, what her life has come to in her end of life years. It is worth grieving. But not everything can be fixed. And this is one thing that you need to consider with your entire family, understanding all that is involved, before you make a move that will be very difficult to undo.
If you are near enough to her to visit often, at different times during the week, if she has a lovely, clean, pleasant room, if the staff treats her well when you see her with them, and enjoys speaking to you when you visit, if her physical condition is stable, she’s eating, clean and dressed appropriately almost every time you visit, if your only reason for moving her is because she’s “begging to come home”, ask yourself very VERY CAREFULLY how you think her life will be better if you decide to take her out of her present surroundings.
Unless her situation is different from many nursing home residents, she may be asking to “come home” to a place that neither you nor she actually know. It is a common, poignant request on the part off the elderly with dementia to go home but as to the actual PLACE where they want to be is often in the mind only, perhaps the home they knew in childhood, or as a newly married.
If you have concerns about her present quarters, then don’t consider making a change until you’ve done a solid examination of the new surroundings she’ll be entering, and exactly how you’ll manage every bit of her time. Ask a friend or associate to help you. An OBJECTIVE ASSESSMENT is harder than you may be thinking right now. Break down the management of her day in half hour increments and make notes of her specific needs in each segment of time.
Check what resources will be available through Medicaid if she becomes a home patient.
When we did this, we found placement wasn’t the best thing for our LO OR for US. You may find your situation different.
If hypothetically, it was just for a couple months, then maybe taking her home would work to make her comfortable in her last days. Even then, she would need professional care.
But you don't know how long she is going to live on. Maybe years. Are you willing to give up everything for her. Some people feel this is very noble. But it isn't practical. Eventually, you get burnt out and depressed and sick your self. Parents generally don't want that for their children.
Visit her as much as you can. When she starts to miss home, it means she wants comfort. So give her comfort. Have a nice conversation of something she likes. Show pics of the past. Play her music etc.
This is heartbreaking to hear about your mom, but sadly the answer is no. You should not move her out of the nursing home. She's in the NH because her care needs could not be met at home and certainly not by one person. No one wants to be in a nursing home. Or course not, but sometimes what a person needs is something different then what they want. Even if you hired caregivers to help with her in your house, she is going to get worse not better, and will require skilled facility care once again. You're in a terrible situation that is very sad. What's best for your mom is for her to stay where she is so she can be properly cared for. Visit her and spend as much time with her as you can. That's all you can really do.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
A bedbound person requires 2 people to lift or turn. It's exhausting if you are the only caregiver.
Having been DH's ONLY caregiver for 5 major health incidents over the years--I can state that the next time he has some major health crisis, he's going to a rehab facility. I nearly killed myself trying to care for him alone. And now I have a chronically bad back and heart problems from the stress.
It doesn't mean I don't love him, but I know my limits. And they were met and almost did me in. All my kids were willing to help, but they all have small kids and lives of their own.
Take your time to make the decision. I really don't know anyone who is in a NH who WANTS to be there, rather than home with family. It just often that's not the best thing for them, long term.
If Anin84 moves mom out of the nursing home and she needs to go back, there might not be availability in the same one.
Adult children have the best of intentions when they move an elderly parent in their house to take care of them, but it takes over your life and becomes your life.
I'd tell anyone to explore every other possible care option there is to avoid moving mom and dad in.
You will not find many in the nursing home who wish to be there; very few would refuse a chance to move home. This is called normal. I think you know that you cannot and should not do this return home for your Mom. I think you are grieving, as is she, what her life has come to in her end of life years. It is worth grieving. But not everything can be fixed. And this is one thing that you need to consider with your entire family, understanding all that is involved, before you make a move that will be very difficult to undo.
Unless her situation is different from many nursing home residents, she may be asking to “come home” to a place that neither you nor she actually know. It is a common, poignant request on the part off the elderly with dementia to go home but as to the actual PLACE where they want to be is often in the mind only, perhaps the home they knew in childhood, or as a newly married.
If you have concerns about her present quarters, then don’t consider making a change until you’ve done a solid examination of the new surroundings she’ll be entering, and exactly how you’ll manage every bit of her time. Ask a friend or associate to help you. An OBJECTIVE ASSESSMENT is harder than you may be thinking right now. Break down the management of her day in half hour increments and make notes of her specific needs in each segment of time.
Check what resources will be available through Medicaid if she becomes a home patient.
When we did this, we found placement wasn’t the best thing for our LO OR for US. You may find your situation different.
Good luck in your planning and decision making!
But you don't know how long she is going to live on. Maybe years. Are you willing to give up everything for her. Some people feel this is very noble. But it isn't practical. Eventually, you get burnt out and depressed and sick your self. Parents generally don't want that for their children.
Visit her as much as you can. When she starts to miss home, it means she wants comfort. So give her comfort. Have a nice conversation of something she likes. Show pics of the past. Play her music etc.
All the best
Even if you hired caregivers to help with her in your house, she is going to get worse not better, and will require skilled facility care once again.
You're in a terrible situation that is very sad. What's best for your mom is for her to stay where she is so she can be properly cared for. Visit her and spend as much time with her as you can. That's all you can really do.