She took her out to lunch and straight to the facility! he wants to be in her home.This sister says NO !There are 2 executors out of us kids.Our dad picked them.He is deceased.Mom has dementia but can fully understand whats going on.They won't honor any of her wishes.I don't know what to do?
You need to remind yourself that your Mom has dementia which is a terrible disease and can be very demanding and exhausting on whomever is the Caregiver. It will only get worse, not better. There are times when our parent no longer has a choice. For their own best care and safety, a nursing home is THE only option.
Think positive, that now your Mom is with other residents who are from her generation. Think of all the new friends she will make, and even maybe make some new best friends. And she won't be bored.
Executors have nothing to do with her care, they only execute the Will.
Perhaps this sister is a DPOA? or Health Care Proxy? or both? She didn't just drive up and dump her off, that is not possible. There are evaluations by MD's and there is paper work and authorizations. A plan of care is established, a need for care has to have medical proof. Sis had to prove she had the legal authority to place mom. Nine siblings had the option of taking her in, but it would seem 8 of them were in denial or absent.
Like Pam said, this wasn't a drop off situation. There is quite a bit required before admission. Make the best of this for your Mom's sake!