My sister is POA for our father. Father was recently declared incompetent to handle his own affairs due to a diagnosis of dementia. Sister facilitated the appts for the diagnosis and then took father to a legal clinic where the paperwork was drawn up naming her as POA. Sister and I don't get on at all -we have another sister in a neighboring state who is not involved due to her own medical issues. Father is living with POA and I was assisting with his care several times per week, but because of the strong sibling personality issues she has tossed me from her property and told me she will make future arrangements for me to visit with him outside of her home. It has been over a month and no word to her. I reached out via text to say I'd like to speak with him via phone and rec'd a somewhat combative reply. I also asked her via text what would happen/who would manage dad's affairs if she were no longer living, etc. Her reply was simply: You are next in line and Mary (our other sister) is 3rd in line. She has never elaborated on any of dad's wishes although I do know some rough details. Can I legally make her responsible for accounting to me and our other sibling the details of dad's wishes, location of said paperwork, financial holdings, etc. I only want to know what to do in case I am called to handle his affairs. Don't suggest writing her an email/letter/text. She is very difficult to deal with and speaks in a very condescending tone to others.
Also, I miss my dad so much. We had great times when I was caregiving for him -he's very active and we've had some very memorable times recently. Can we have a mediator intercede for visitation? Any attempt to communicate with her is met with insults and authoritarian rule.
"Father was recently declared incompetent to handle his own affairs due to a diagnosis of dementia. Sister facilitated the appts for the diagnosis and then took father to a legal clinic where the paperwork was drawn up naming her as POA."
Depending on the stage of Dementia Dad is in would determine if the POA is valid. He needs to be able to understand that he is assigning his daughter and giving up his financial decisions and medical decisions to someone else. Was he competent enough to make his wishes known? I would not trust a "clinic" to make sure he understands what he is signing. But, if you and other sibling are OK letting sister take over then there's no problem.
Yes, she can keep u out of her home especially now. I don't see a problem with you talking to him on the phone unless it upsets him and then she has to deal with it. As said, she does not have to inform you of his wishes or financial/medical standing. She is his representative and does not/should not reveal anything. Be aware though, upon his death she is no longer POA. If there is a Will then the Executor takes over.
I would call and ask your sister if you can come visit, don’t bring up any of the legal stuff. Offer to bring lunch and tell her to go out and take advantage of the time you are with Dad. He will enjoy the visit and your sister can use some time off. Offer to do it when she has an appointment or something so she can utilize that time for her needs.
I keep all of my parents stuff hush hush out of respect for them. As POA she has a responsibility to adhere to certain guidelines so please try to be understanding.
I don’t want to sound harsh, I am sure this is so difficult for you as well. I just want for you to see your Dad and letting this go and just helping and seeing your Dad should mend this relationship