My mother is in early stages of Alzheimer's/dementia. I have several siblings, two of whom are very dictatorial in their speech when trying to get her to do things that are necessary (i.e. reminders to take med; to wear incontinence products when going out). The more dictatorial they are, the more she is embarassed and of course stubborn.
Often just the "tone" of voice is all that matters. That is all you "hear".
I'd suggest you suggest to the sergeant major siblings that they listen to themselves. And then think: if an outsider spoke to your mother as they just have, how would they react?
Maybe there is a social worker or other third party who can help your siblings understand that they need to change their approach? A social worker visits from time to time and her input has been invaluable.
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