Has anyone experienced being sick, I mean throwing up sick from your situation of caregiving like my mom is bed bound and a lot of mornings she has torn bed totally up and takes her legs and throws them over railings of the bed and at times hangs there for hours before, and I feel like I can start throwing up watching this all the time even though I know its wrong of me to argue with her I end up arguing with her and getting sick. Amazing to me when I'm fixing her up in the bed pull up on and off allll day everyday and when doing this according to her her legs can't move but yet when she wants to be crazy they can move all day all over the place and I'm really becoming sick to my stomach.
You sound at your breaking point, if you are physically sick or have a stroke...who will take care of mom?
So in the beginning of the caregiving I was not used to such stress. Unrelenting, painful stress day in and day out. One night I thought I was having a heart attack. I was having palpitations and my hands went numb. I know now it was an anxiety attack but up until that time I had never really experienced anxiety in my life. Stress, yes. Anxiety, no.
So this particular night I thought I was having a heart attack and I called 911. After they left I felt like an idiot. But to answer your question, yes, I have become physically ill from caregiving.
ShakingDustOff: I felt like you did last year. I wanted to drop dead and make my mother concerned about me. I was raging over every demand and insensitive or outright manipulative remark she uttered. Then I thought: What damage am I causing to myself by allowing this to get to me?? My doctor said to me, "your nerves are damaged. You need a counselor, yoga, or something. You can't go on like this."
This past year I changed completely! I feel so much better now. I am sad to see my mom decline but it is a natural thing. No one gets out alive. I don't take on my mother's emotions, no more guilt, and I laugh at her remarks and bad behavior.
And what is more surprising is I actually feel more love and that I can help her more, while preserving my inner joy. It can be done!
Give up the attitudes that YOU have. Hold them in your mind, be brave to view them, without judgement, with self love, and then decide a way to find your peace.
It's all inner work. Let us be grateful we have been the ones to have this opportunity. Get strong by it all, instead of crumbling and "falling down".
My parents apparently still see me as a young adult, not a woman who is also senior citizen with major health issues. And I believe all those health issues [breast cancer, hypertension, panic attacks, insomnia, tremors] stem from STRESS dealing with my parents. I keep trying to find something that will be a *ah ha* moment for my parents to understand. Even showing them my AARP card didn't get much of a reaction.... [sigh]
I am not a warm fuzzy type of person, I would be the last person you would want caring for you if you become unable to care for yourself. I get frustrated way too easily. Maybe that seams from being an only child with no relatives living in the same State.
Even so, I do love her am having such a hard time detaching from feeling so sorry and sad for her. We believe she has mild vascular dementia and will be going to a neurologist this month. She also has congestive heart failure and a-fib. She calls me 3 times a day to take her meds so anytime she sounds a little "off", my whole mood changes. She's doing mostly ok for now but it's been a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs. Right now there are home health nurses by doc orders coming in every so often and and we also are paying for Home Instead helpers. She does have some savings, but it won't last forever. My thoughts are with every single person in this caregiving role .. no matter in what capacity you are able to do it. I know my situation is nothing compared to others I have read here and my heart goes out to those who are doing their very best to take care of their loved ones with no help. Sorry this got long ....I've just been having a tough time lately detaching and trying to not let it make me sick.
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