My mother is 63. She has had alot of trauma in her life, but dealt with it by lying, manipulating drinking and doing drugs. She and my father had a good life but she cheated, committed id theft, stole money pawned our things till eventually divorced her. She still go joint custody of me (I'm now 35) but at 16 I got to choose and stopped living with her. Shes had a partner for 20+ years they won't marry bc she wants my father's social security benefit. He is a sweet man who she treats awful, they both drink and do drugs. My brother got out of prison n she evicted Their tenant, in an illegal apartment they kept at their house, this was their only income other than pawning things , they are on disability. My brother makes alot of money as a sales man has a fancy car and brags to her family about buying her a fancy vehicle which he eventually is the soul user. Once the tenant was gone they were not even scrapping by she asks to borrow money and says it is just a loan (it is not) she has borrowed and skipped out on everyone at this point. Her other half had a stroke and has been in assisted living for a year. She has a home health aid who comes a few times a week. My brother still lives there, but still pays no bills everything coming from her and her other halfs disability. Now his family has taken his disability away and are rightfully paying his bills. My (violent) heroin addict cousin apparently has been staying with her, and he has been giving her money n drugs/booze . He od My brother called 911. And while taking him to the hospital the sheriff told my brother they got another eviction notice on them, my brother panicked, she has always told him the mortage was in her name. Apparently is in her other halfs family and they have been trying to kick her out. My brother acts shocked but doesnt pay any bills so I dont know what he expected. I called senior services and got paper work for housing but she cant live with me. My brother told my father that she is my responsibility. He is still living there but ready to leave if eviction comes. Does any one know what they will do? She has lupus, and need assistance just walking . Will they just kick her out?
There is a very long wait for section 8 apartments. Many have a several years long list. Try to complete the app as soon as you can because the person applying needs to supply the agency with a lot of financial information.
I tried to relocate my senior brother from NJ to MD (from Section 8 in Jersey to Section 8 in Maryland). Luckily it’s a federal voucher that crosses state lines. But I got him on the waiting list in 2015 @ a MD Section 8 building and he was still on the waiting list when he passed away in June 2019.
My brother was on SSDI for schizophrenia since he was 28. He was not on Medicaid and did not want to apply for Medicaid as he had some $ left to him by our mom and was too proud to apply for food stamps or anything other than what he already received.
Yes he was on that list for 4 years with no call from them. So he stayed in NJ.
There is HUD Senior housing that charges rent on scale. So if she receives 1000 her rent will be 30% of that. That will leave her money for electric and basic cable. She can get help with her electric and food stamps. APS can help her get set up. Hopefully, this will put her on their radar and there will be check ups to see how she is doing. With your Moms history I see Dementia in her future. At that point when she cannot take care of herself, the State can become her guardian.
Do not allow them to make you feel Mom is your responsibility. The State will always try to get someone to take on the responsibility. Just tell them you can't because of the abuse. Her drinking and drugging in front of you is abuse.
Please consult with either (or both) a social worker and a drug counselor to understand the safest way to interact with her while not getting manipulated. You can help her by pointing her to resources and doing research, but do not give her money, do not provide her with material things. You are not responsible for her recovery or her happiness. That's on her. I wish you much success!
There's no need to judge her, no need to think badly of her or decide whether or not or to what extent she's responsible for the mess. Whatever, the fact is that she IS in a huge, tangled mess that you can't solve. If you get involved, then for all sorts of ethical and cost-related reasons the professionals will let you do the work, and it will be a nightmare for you and end in a comparatively bad result for your mother purely because you don't have the right expertise. Step well away, let her fall over, and then the right people with the right knowledge will take over. She may not like it, but the solutions they come up with for her are likely to be better than anything you can arrange.