She seems to resent it when other siblings who live out of town ask her to visit Mom every day. My Mom has no one else to call on if she needs help and my sister says to Mom "You know I've been here EVERYDAY this week" This makes Mom feel like she is a burden. Mom is 87, frail and can't do much for herself and refuses outside help. (Doesn't want to spend $$$) I am angry that my sister doesn't step up and do more for Mom, but she doesn't want to be the caregiver!!What should be done?
You need to convince Mom that she needs help and it's not your sisters responsibility just because she lives near by.
What would happen if none of you lived nearby Mom???
I have spent my energy living up to my commitment of being a phone call away and traveling at the drop of a hat if I am needed.
Your mother doesn't want to spend money for her own care? That doesn't obligate one of her children to provide that care.
Accept that Sis is not going to do more than she is willing to do, and make your plans accordingly.