My Dad is in the latter stages of Alzheimer's and he's in an assisted living facility in North Carolina now. One of my sisters had power of attorney, but I've since learned that it was transferred to another sister. I'm sure if it was done legally or not. My two sisters have taken my name off the list people allowed to call and inquire about my Dad. The reason they've done this is childish. The reason is because I haven't done what they feel I should have done by visiting my Dad. I live ten and a half hours away from my Dad. Is it legal for them to do this?
I understand how two of my siblings can't be here and I'm fine with that. Just knowing that they appreciate what I'm doing and keep in contact with me means a lot . They have mom visit them and it helps to have that time off from dealing with her. The third sibling, I'm done with.
My advice would be to call your sisters regularly to get updates and let them know how much you appreciate everything they do, even if they act angry and vent. Keep calling even if they act like they don't want to talk to you. Eventually they will realize you really do care and may change their attitudes.
My husband's mom is in a nursing home with advanced dementia. His brother lives near her and handles most things. My husband flies to see her every few months mostly to support his brother. I remind him to call his brother every week because I know from experience how important those phone calls are:)
I was so happy to see your answer. As the primary caregiver to my dad, I feel a lot of resentment towards my three siblings. I agree 100 percent with you. I only wish they had shown more compassion for me. They didn't have to call me but even a text or an email asking me about dad or how I was doing would have made a world of difference. But instead I felt alone in all the decision making. I know its hard in families but showing you care and willing to help goes a long way.
Maybe someday our siblings will have to care for their spouses. Then they'll get it! :)
Have you been sending Dad cards and notes and pictures?
What happens when you attempt to call Dad? Does someone on the staff say, "The POA will not let calls from you reach your father," and then refuse to put your through? Just how are your sisters keeping you from speaking to your father?