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My sister has worsening dementia and has recently been told to stop driving and is not paying her bills. At present, she is able to live independently with frequent check ins by her children and myself. The big issue is her husband. He made himself bedbound several years ago and is total care. He is 81 and she is 76. He weighs at least 100# more than her, total incontinence requires her to push and pull on him all the time. She has had multiple recent hospitalizations for extreme high blood pressure, garbled speech, seizure activity. She has consented to putting him in a nursing home but he threatens suicide if she does. Nursing home told me he has to consent to be admitted, is this true? In past 6 months she has declined greatly physically and mentally. Any suggestions on how to help her? He refuses home health and I am working to get a handle on her bills but she is less than willing for that to happen. I plan to force this issue. Thanks for your help.

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They both need help, even forced help as the situation sounds so bad. When he threatens suicide 911 should be called and him be taken to hospital for a psychological evaluation. Even if it’s “just a threat” he needs to be taken seriously, plus it could be the first step in getting help in other areas. Calling APS may be extreme but needed, at the least the local Aging Services agency needs to be called. You sister isn’t capable of his care and his failure to recognize that is a sign of his mental state not being normal as well.
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Your sister cannot care for her husband. Try your Office of Aging first to see if they can evaluate the situation. APS maybe the best thing though. He is a vulnerable adult.
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Many thanks. I will look into the Office on Aging
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