I think there are a lot of posts out there about similar topics. My mother passed away three years ago. In the last three years, the care of my father has fallen almost 100% on my shoulders. I am single, not married and do not have children. But that does not mean that I am not busy. I have a full time job and often work long hours including weekends. On top of that I have other activities that I participate in. My one sister in particular, has virtually contributed nothing to the care of my father over the last several years. She does have children, but she does not work, and her children are older. Anytime I have asked her to contribute in some small manner she constantly throws "I have children" in my face as if implying that my time is less valuable than hers. She is home during the day, and could easily spend an hour or two helping out on occasion. I'm really hurt by her behavior and angry that she seems to feel that because I don't have children (mind you that I sometimes work 60 hours a week) that she doesn't have to contribute at all. She has one excuse after another to not help out. Even when I've asked her to do something simple (like make a phone call to my father's dr) that I cannot do from work, she can't even do that. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this?
Or are you concerned about the future? That there will be a time when Dad needs hands-on care? I know it always irks me whenever the finger is pointed to the *daughter* or to the *daughter who is single* or to the *daughter who is married but has no children* to be the primary caregiver. How is her time less valuable then the siblings who are male, or siblings who are married, or siblings who are married with children?
It is not fair to your father that he had a stroke.
It was not fair to me that my husband developed dementia (not to mention how unfair that was to him!)
Life isn't fair. My mother always told me that, so I guess I had an easier time with the shock of seeing unfairness in action.
Your sister isn't going to do more than she is doing (which apparently is nothing.) In terms of caring for Dad, you are an only child. An only child would not be able to ask a sister to help out, either. If Dad needs a caregiver or a higher level of care residence, it is up to you to make that happen. Fair? Absolutely not. But reality.
Sooner rather than later, too.
So when Dad can't be alone, can't manage meds, falls down a lot, get him to Assisted Living.. Sis will howl and complain; ignore her. She won't help get that done either. Guaranteed.