My mother lives in California- I live in Indiana. Mother was diagnosed with a cancerous mass in her right lung. Mother advised me she would make me info eligible with the hospital before her surgery. Once the surgery was completed and mother was in recovery- I called the hospital, gave them my info and received a password which would identify me to the staff. My sister who lives close to mother- and who has been a proven liar and thief, went to the hospital the day after the surgery (she didn't bother herself to be there the day of) demanded that she be the ONLY one to know mothers medical info. Suddenly- my password held no value and I was referred to speak to the sister. I have advised numerous times of the reason mother made me info eligible, and have now been promised a social worker will contact me concerning this issue in the next couple of days. Meanwhile- sister is telling that mother is eaten up with cancer and has lied to us about the seriousness of her condition. What can I do to plead my case and get the truth from the doctor directly?
Try to get in touch with that social worker instead of waiting around for the social worker to call you.
Did your sister get your mom to sign something? I can't see how your sister would be able to prohibit the staff from speaking with you about your mom's condition if she didn't get your mom to sign something.
I'm sorry, but I find the fact that you accused your sister of not caring because she wasn't at the hospital the day of the surgery to be misplaced since you weren't there either. Plus, it sounds like you haven't been there any days after surgery. If you wanted to know about the surgery, you would have been there on the day of the surgery to speak with the doctor. To accuse her of "lying to everyone" about your mother's condition when you know nothing about your mother's condition is misplaced. For all you know, your sister is right & your mother has stage 4 , metastatic lung cancer.
It sounds like this is more of an issue about you & your sister not getting along, not your mother.
As Pam Stegma wrote, the hospitals usually want only one contact person. If your sister was there in person, asked for information, and demonstrated that she was a family member, the hospital would then give it to her, and she would become the contact person (without necessarily "demanding" that you NOT be). Why should the doctors or nurses go over everything twice? They need that time to be providing actual care for your mother and all the patients.
Everything is harder when you and your sister are in conflict, isn't it! And even though you're sure that she is the bad guy here, you are contributing to the conflict.
Sure, you can fight about who is the RIGHT point of contact, but the one who is present is always going to be closer to the source, right? That's why people are recommending you go there if you really can't work with the information your sister has given you.
Control battles are dangerous. Half the time, the thing that people are fighting for control OF, like your mother's care, or Wintersun's mother, gets lost track of.
Wintersun, it sounds very sad and awful and heroic when you say you have no support and have to do everything yourself and feel alone and scared, and have to carry on. But actually... you have contact with (and get info from ) your brother and the doctors and the pharmacy and the nurse, and your niece is doing most of the actual work, so.... it doesn't sound like you're all that far out of the loop after all....
Personally other posters my gut tells me this is "bash the caregiver". The sister is there the OP isn't, if she is so concerned than fly out.
Sorry I am little suspect of the OP, this could be a case of "bash the caregiver", as the sister is the one who is dealing with everything, if it isn't and the sister really is up to no good....get on a plane.
As others have suggested talk to your mother if she can talk on the phone, and go up the chain of command at the hospital.
But you can't manage situations like this long distance, you just can't.
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