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He recently moved in with her family across country. Is there any legal way to have phone priveleges with my father. She won't answer any calls and thus I am worried about my dad's well being
How is your history with your sister? She may be just trying to help your dad settle in and feels that she's doing the right thing. Or - she may be into a sibling rivalry mode. There's no way to really know without your pursuing your relationship further.
It's true that it's abuse to isolate someone, so if after you've tried every way to communicate with your sister, if she still refuses, you could tell her that you'll have to have a welfare check done on your dad since she won't share information.
I would try everything else first in case she thinks, for whatever reason, she is doing the right thing. Write her a letter. Send her an email. Let her know that you just want to know what is going on and to be updated about your dad. When you know more, let her know that it's time for you to talk with him.
So much depends on your family history and what is going on there. There's always the legal route but that will surely destroy your family relationships, so if there's no real need for that, don't do it. Try everything else first. Good luck. Please keep us posted. Carol
The only thing I can think of is to be nice and friendly with sis. What my family calls "suck up" to her. Or that saying that you can draw more flies with honey than with vinegar. Just do your best to not let her get to you.
For years, my siblings would call home. When they want to talk to dad, he hides. He just doesn't want to talk to them. Now that he's bedridden, he can't run away. So, most times, I dump the phone on him and force him to talk to them. From what I can hear, he says the same thing to them over and over and over. In all the phone calls, I never cover the phone to prevent my siblings from hearing. So, they can hear it from their end that dad doesn't want to talk them. No need for secrecy. But when they come in person, dad would talk and talk and talk.
So, I'm not sure what's the real situation with your sister. Just play nice with her - no matter what she says to you. Because your main goal is to talk to your father.
When you say she won't answer any calls, have you spoken to her at all since your father moved in with her? Without knowing what's normal for her, it's hard to judge whether she's not speaking to you specifically because she's trying to prevent contact with your father or if there could be some other, less troubling explanation. I assume you've left messages/sent texts/tried emailing etc., have you? Has she actually said words to the effect of "you can't talk to Dad"?
For a while, some time ago, I thought my ex and his wife were blocking my calls until one day I happened to be round at their house and realised that, no, they just don't pick up the phone. Nothing personal, nothing I'd done. They literally never answer it, even when it's right by their elbow and ringing long enough to give me a nervous tic.
One other question: before he moved, what was the usual pattern of phone conversations between you and your dad? Did you call him or he call you, and how often?
The worst thing is to call the police to do a welfare check. To do so would be too much too soon. Go to your sisters for a visit. Also, the caregiver has too much work to do to make sure everyone is feeling warm and fuzzy. Her main concern is taking care of your father. Buy your dad a cell phone iPhone and FaceTime with him when you want. Technology today allows too much access to an individual. Buy him a laptop there a a built in webcam on most. If you go to all the expense to get alternative methods of communication and sis still does not allow you to chat, Give a fair warning that you need to speak to dad or you will find out what is wrong There is usually an elderly protective agency in state government call the 800 number and file a complaint of possible elder abuse/neglect Keeping a person in isolation is considered abuse to the elderly however, if you decide to do that just remember they can file similar reports to the state about you and they don't even have to give their name when reporting. You have small kids? Sis can have child protective agency knocking on your door with one call and one made up story. Being nice to sis is not the answer if sis is like my evil sis. Whoever is caring for the person has more leverage not more rights there is a reason why your dad allowed your sis to be his primary care giver. It's easy to look into the window of your sis and complain about this and that and then go back to your house and prop your feet up and watch tv. The caregiver has the burden of the fall out from and visits gone bad or telephone calls that upsets dad. Your sis has make sure they continue to eat drink and poop regularly. Anything that hinders that is usually avoided.
If he is still able to write...Send him a Letter he has to sign for...It is against the law to with hold the US Mail..a federal offense....Not sure if he will get to read it..but he will have to sign for it...ALSO if you know his Doctor...call the Doctors office to see when His next scheduled appt is...and meet him there...TALK to his doctor ...and if it is a real CONCERN for his WELL BEING...contact the proper authorities ....or have the Police go to the house with you!
Do not tolerate your sister's behavior. If in fact you have asked your sister to talk to your father and she refuses then know legally she is violating his rights. Do not hesitate to call adult protective services. All that matters here is your father's welfare. He is across country and you can not see him regularly. Assuming he is oriented enough, you are not able to know from him directly if he is well physically or emotionally. You do not know if he is being exploited financially. Here is a litmus test for you. Tell your sister you want to visit. See if she is resistant to your coming. If she also denies you visitation rights along with phone rights then a big red flag needs to go up in your mind. Also is it just you your sister keeps away? Does she keep
other family members, friends of significance away also. If so that is a double red flag. Adult protective services need to find out why your fatherv is being kept so socially isolated.
Unless someone is completely demented it should be THEIR OWN decision whom they talk to. What is this "Smith won't let Jones talk to Baker" business? If Baker doesn't want to talk to Jones, Baker should let Jones know. Good grief. It's demeaning to everyone for Smith to run that show. Let's grow up and deal with each other, people.
As for someone not answering the phone, don't leap to conclusions and don't speculate about motives. You can do a lot of other things first before calling in a welfare check, which anyone would be liable to take as a massive insult. Call again. Write. Visit. Call from a number that doesn't identify you, if you really think it's you. Ask the neighbors, not to be nosy or put them in the middle, but just "I'm worried, I can't get through." And if you've harmed that relationship in ANY WAY in the past, own up.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's true that it's abuse to isolate someone, so if after you've tried every way to communicate with your sister, if she still refuses, you could tell her that you'll have to have a welfare check done on your dad since she won't share information.
I would try everything else first in case she thinks, for whatever reason, she is doing the right thing. Write her a letter. Send her an email. Let her know that you just want to know what is going on and to be updated about your dad. When you know more, let her know that it's time for you to talk with him.
So much depends on your family history and what is going on there. There's always the legal route but that will surely destroy your family relationships, so if there's no real need for that, don't do it. Try everything else first.
Good luck. Please keep us posted.
Carol
For years, my siblings would call home. When they want to talk to dad, he hides. He just doesn't want to talk to them. Now that he's bedridden, he can't run away. So, most times, I dump the phone on him and force him to talk to them. From what I can hear, he says the same thing to them over and over and over. In all the phone calls, I never cover the phone to prevent my siblings from hearing. So, they can hear it from their end that dad doesn't want to talk them. No need for secrecy. But when they come in person, dad would talk and talk and talk.
So, I'm not sure what's the real situation with your sister. Just play nice with her - no matter what she says to you. Because your main goal is to talk to your father.
For a while, some time ago, I thought my ex and his wife were blocking my calls until one day I happened to be round at their house and realised that, no, they just don't pick up the phone. Nothing personal, nothing I'd done. They literally never answer it, even when it's right by their elbow and ringing long enough to give me a nervous tic.
One other question: before he moved, what was the usual pattern of phone conversations between you and your dad? Did you call him or he call you, and how often?
Do not hesitate to call adult protective services. All that matters here is your father's welfare. He is across country and you can not see him regularly. Assuming he is oriented enough, you are not able to know from him directly if he is well physically or emotionally. You do not know if he is being exploited financially. Here is a litmus test for you. Tell your sister you want to visit. See if she is resistant to your coming. If she also denies you visitation rights along with phone rights then a big red flag needs to go up in your mind. Also is it just you your sister keeps away? Does she keep
As for someone not answering the phone, don't leap to conclusions and don't speculate about motives. You can do a lot of other things first before calling in a welfare check, which anyone would be liable to take as a massive insult. Call again. Write. Visit. Call from a number that doesn't identify you, if you really think it's you. Ask the neighbors, not to be nosy or put them in the middle, but just "I'm worried, I can't get through." And if you've harmed that relationship in ANY WAY in the past, own up.
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