Can sister with POA over Mom, with dementia, in nursing home allow her to spend SS as she pleases?

coyote, you know and I know that is theft. File a police report and put a stop to it.

I do not think so. Check with an elder care attorney for sure, but I believe that at the very least, the SS funds are supposed to used entirely for the care of the person they were intended for.

yes she claims after paying the Nursing Home the monthly payment, she is spending $ on some things our Dementia Mom needs (which really is not all she claims she buys for Mom and objects to be questioned about showing receipts) and that she has some bills of her own to pay like gas money back and forth to Home, and other personal bills as well, since she does all she does for Mom and Mom is not going without. Attitude?

Mom is being cared for by the NH, not by your sister. I'm not sure I understand what care she thinks she should be paid for. Does she have a separate caregiving contract with mom? You need to think about this in case mom needs Medicaid down the road.

thank you ladies for the above replies. I and another sister (we both live far fr where Mom is) but we both try to make sure the youngest sister who lives in FL near Mom in the Nursing Home is taking care of the job she chose and claimed control over as she wanted to be the Healthcare Advocate. She is a very bossy and controlling and doesnt share info w/ us. Mom 88+ has Dementia and doesnt know ALL about the finances etc. She is mostly alert on most other things still but not about finances, her SS, Medicare, etal. So my sis and i found out Mom's last SS check came $315 less than every month before? After calling SS they said they cannot give personal info but did say they noted Mom has to renew her Drug Plan and that the $315 less in her regular check was for the meds she gets in the Home and if she doesnt renew her Plan they will continue to take $315 out ea month for her meds, and that she better renew it now as it will take 2+ mos to finalize. Mom has a checking acct (which is Joint w/ the youngest sis and my other sis) where the SS is auto deposited, and the youngest sis living there then pays the Home. Mom does get Medicaid for the extra needed to pay the Home the last few yrs. She however does have some money left each month for things she wants and/or needs. Since my youngest sis says she has to shop and get things for her, she wants gas money and uses some too for her bills she owes.
Anyway i first of all am wondering why Mom's Drug Plan has to be renewed? I too am a Senior and have a Drug Plan and i do not have to renew each year? (not that i recall?)
Do some Drug Plans do that? esp in having to make the elderly in a Home remember to do that each yr?
Anyway if my youngest sister was doing her job of Healthcare Advocate, this ought not have happened, right?
Yes this youngest sis is being sneaky and rude and not replying to us 2 sisters who live far. My sis & i stay in touch w/ Mom weekly and send Mom pkgs each month, and the youngest sis did not like that we send pkgs of goodies Mom likes, arts & crafts, crosswords, etc. Our youngest sis wanted us to send her a personal check saying she would buy Mom things. Aha.....as she is already claiming she is doing that w/ the leftover money in Mom's checking??
Mom has a small allowance in an acct the Home keeps for her each month that she could spend herself for bingo, something extra that the Home has, and/or buy a few things from WalMart or Walgreens when they take a few to shop in the Home Van. But if she wants a new skirt, bra, etc. at least there was some money in her personal checking for that of which the youngest sis says 'Mom never goes without', but she hasnt been cooperative to show us receipts or keep a ledger on what she claims she spends on Mom and buying her things there as she says she spends $50 a wk buying Mom snacks, etc. NO WAY! So we are watching closely as not much we can do except hire a lawyer over a little bit of money? It is our little sis karma if she is taking what she claims is her right as a Healthcare Advocate. My sis and i know God is watching....and she and i make sure Mom is ok and we enjoy sending her pkgs as we just got her Christmas and her Dec bd gifts together. We will skip a pkg in Jan but send her a Val pkg in Feb and then we send Easter, Mom's Day, etc. If the youngest sis wants to live in her ego and not share and/or be up front w/ us about all, we manage w/o her and the Home Manager has been helpful when we call too. We have another sis too who doesnt communicate at all w/ family! Sadly this is how some people chose to live! ;)

Coyote, if your Mom is in a nursing home on Medicaid, does not the SOC (Share of Cost) leave her with only a Personal Needs Allowance from her Social Security check? I understand that is not very much money, although it does vary state to state. It is supposed to cover clothing etc. I'm not sure your sister would have to show receipts to you, but it sure would be wise to be transparent in financial matters. If your sister is spending her own money on things for Mom and is asking you to reimburse her then that is a different matter. Of course, she should show receipts.

Social security checks go directly to NH and some seniors do have few dollars for personal items. If your sister is taking that money SS wiil catch up to her and she will have to prove money was spent on those items. This money is usually sent to the NH. But I personally know some administrators pocketing that money.

Gas money and expenses involved in Mom's care plus some stipend for actual services may be OK if spelled out adn documented. It sounds like Sis is not just POA but Social Security representative payee. She can indeed be called to account for what she does with the money and may even have to file annual reports as rep payee. I found it a big advantage to be my Dad's rep payee instead of letting the nursing home get it, and was able to pay his bills and also use some of the money for Mom's care...I do not remember all of the details, but they could be reconstituted from the big bankers boxes full of papers in my attic.

thank you all for the replies to my question. My sister and i are looking into all and keeping a ledger on all too. If our younger sister is taking any money that she ought not be, all we could do is make it known to her again we that we know. The $300+ a month is too little an amount to pay a lawyer over. To switch now to have Mom's SS check automatically sent to Home, the Home Manager said the younger sister may not agree anyway. Since our young sister knows we are more aware of her goings on, maybe she will keep her hand out of the cookie jar? So the best my sis and i can do now is keep a constant watch...