I am in process of paperwork for my Mom to be admitted into a memory unit for ALZ assisted living-- She is 84 and has lived with me (Daughter) since 1990 (Wow) and was diagnosed with ALZ in 1997'... She has always been opposed to the 'nursing home' term.. so I dont use it.. I say Senior Apartment.. even though she dosent know its a locked bed unit- which she absolutely needs-- as she will walk out when under a panic/agitated paranoia with her ALZ- She stays within the culdesac.. knocking on neighbor doors-- for help.. She does this while Im at work-- a few times a month with the sitter here.. If she is mad at sitter or anxious since Im not home.. I am the top dog.. if I'm not home her world is messed up-- Anyhow.. Im wondering if anyone has gone thru the process that could share-- things to help Moving day go smoother.. as Im sure if she knows where she is going and why, she would cooperate and walk in.. I thought of giving her a healthy dose of valium, telling her we were visiting a lonely friend.. at her apartment...and then once inside .. the locked unit.. show her to her room-- sit a while and then mabe join in a group activity to distract.. and ?? what just tell her this is where she will stay to night.. to visit her friend(Roommate) and I will see her tomorrow?? I guess press replay on the next day?? She can be tricked if Im good-- sometimes Im not very good.. and she figures it out-- anyhow.. I plan on having her room all decorated and pictures up and home feeling.. prior to going of course.. Its worse than that detachment from my son at Daycare! when he was little.. she will be clingy, teary and say horrible things I feel ..make a scene .. :-( Not looking forward to it.. If she ONLY knew how hard Im working to keep her out of a Nursing Home.. And how God has undertaken for the funds for a nice ALZ memory Unit in ALF facility.. But she cant get that,, everything in my life just about has been about 'her' and my Son and I have been in virtual prison-- bad for 2 years.. No nights or weekends off-- only time away is at work/school we have a companion working 50 hrs week. But from the moment I hit the door about 6:30p-- its nonstop direction redirection and check/recheck/pacing room to room.. --anxious --- unable to sit in one place.. I cannot wait for her to go to BED... once she is in bed.. 'usually' she stays there.. Son and I can breathe sigh of relief.. The day she moves out to ALF I will feel 'relieved' and can hopefully take back most of my lost life... And get my body back into health.. Sorry for the rant.. glad to have a place to do it..:-) Thanks.. If you have advice.. please share... God Bless all of you-- for Honoring your Moms Dads.. Its tough!!! I KNOW...
She has dementia/alz ....she doesn't know what's going on!!! (well maybe to some point but not truly focused)
All she knows from what you posted is she is lost with out you. She goes to neighbors because she is looking for you or someone to get her to safety, without you she's lost. This is why you are getting her to safety in a place you'll know she will be safe. Once she is there she will adjust after a while. Remember she is reading your feelings through your facial expressions, body language, and that's what you need to remember, she uses expressions as her communication skills, not words. She will forget your words, she will forget how long she's been there, she'll forget there was a change in her surroundings BUT she WILL remember no matter where she is...... that when she looks at you she see's happy, joyful,smiling, glad, or sad, mad, uneasy, upset or fearful.
Example: If you brought a child to the playground for the first time and said "Oh do you want to swing on the swing?" The child has no fear unless they sense fear. If you told the child it will be fun, you like it he'll want to try it. You give off a relaxed, safe, enjoy it's fun, feeling..... How do you think the child would react?
If you started crying because you were thinking....,I can't look, OH no, OH no, it's dangerous you're not going to like it, you might get hurt, and showed these expressions. ....How do you think the child would react?
My Mom couldn't stand to have me tell her what to do. when to eat, get dressed, eat, take pills, etc. because I was her Boss...SHE HATED THAT!!!
BUT.... when I needed her to sign something,
I looked her in the eye and said "do you trust me to take good care of you?"
She looked at me stopped all the BS and said "yes I do"
And she signed... still mad that I'm boss, but deep down she knew she could trust me!!!
She's been in a facility for about 3 years now, still doesn't let anyone be her boss but knows who she can trust and who she can't and runs away from those who give off negative energy!!!
If something really bothers her that the NH is slacking off on she will somehow get her point across. I need to read her signals too.
I hope you understand what I am saying.
I am at the NH a lot and in a room filled with about 50-60 people with all types of Dementia. The room lights up when there's a party and music and balloons and cake. It's quite amazing really but if there's one sour apple during the party, they all get obnoxious.
Another thought, can you make the move on a Friday so you will be able to visit Sat and Sun?. My Mom is in an AL for 'memory care' and I see the new folks come in. It's unsettling for the person. The staff told me not to visit for a while, I ignored them. I felt I'd rather deal with a longer transition time than an agitated Mom. Good luck, the time has clearly come for your Mom to have more help, enjoy activities geared to her age group and for you to be able to sleep through a night.
Just a quick story to add it came to my mind as I was writing.
I had to move and did not want her to witness anything, I would pack when she wasn't looking, put boxes in car not in her sight, not say anything about it in her presence. Then one day I walked into her room to find everything in the room wrapped up in a bundle in the blanket on her bed looked like the old hobo thing the way they carry belongings wrapped up and tied (only 20 times larger) with a stick, to carry over the shoulder. I calmly said "MOM , you've been busy?!" she said "yes we are moving right?" I thought Shit.... if I knew she could do all that so quick without breaking a sweat, I would have had her help me instead of trying to hide the move from her, AND I thought...Wow I thought SHE was the clueless one???!!!! LMAO
Oh the memories.....
this facility is closest memory unit to my house.. so.. Im gonna fight for it.. @geewiz.. Good Ideas!! @wuvsicecream yes.. thought of the NH with ankle beeper.. I think if the ALF dosent work.. thats the next stop.. I found the one Id like already,. so, Im uptodate on that search at least.. Thanks..
I am happy that you got money to do this. I wish I could have some money dropped on me form somewhere, but I don't see it happening. If it did, I'd do the same thing you are doing. I know the feeling of running constantly, not being ab le to sit for more than a few minutes and being constantly on call. I am so happy for you to get this break and I will pray that everything goes smoothly.
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