So burnt out that I'm fearful I won't be able to return to my career when the caregiving ends. Any advice?

One of my best friends is a nurse and works behind the scenes in risk management. Before that she was an investigative nurse for a law firm where she made good money and the lawyers treated her like a valued member of the team. I'm not a nurse but I think your RN is a very valuable degree that you can apply in ways that won't resemble caregiving. Good luck!!!

I too was so burnt out taking care of stage 5 Parkinson's, I feared for my sanity. It is amazing how well you become after you are free. N o stress, doing what you want when you want, 8 hours of solid sleep. I miss my Dad so much, but I am happy and healthy. You will be too. I feel it's time to get your Mom placed. If you can't please get some help.

It sounds like not only do you have burn out but signs of clinical depression. Have you seen your doctor about this? That would be the first step...talking to a professional to give you guidance, help and maybe medication. Then yes, you must look after yourself. Nowhere are we called to sacrifice ourself, our mental health, physical health, economic health etc, for our parents. I doubt if your mother was healthy that she would want you to be this way. It's neither noble or healthy nor does it mean you don't love her. You must take care of you and that is not selfish it's ok. One thing you hear about is what this kind of stress does to the brain of the caregiver...and it's not pretty. I agree with the others about other options for nurses. Right now you have a real condition and it's called "caregiver fatigue". People in the health professions, ministry etc. are vulnerable to it. Please get help so you don't spiral down any further. You are worth it.

When I think about my own future, though I will cling to my own home as long as possible, the one thing I assure you qualifies me for 'nursing home placement' is when I don't even recognize my daughter. Too much of "me" is gone at that point, and its all over at that point. I don't think falls, or fires, or bad food, too much TV, too few baths, or social isolation, or mess should force me to go, but when my brain is that far gone then its OK with me, in advance. By the way, I'm practicing to make sure I have good habits on the other stuff before I lose my mind.

I was thinking a lot last night about how many posts I read which are written by good people, who keep going on one plan of caring for someone, to the point of losing too much of their own life. And even when the inner voices start trying to speak (depression, burn out feelings, burn out) they often try not to listen to those. They go back to the upper brain and run game plans of what they are supposed to do to be a good person or good child. I find myself summing up my reminder to myself in my own way: "Be a good person, but don't be a stupid good person". Don't hold on to the cerebral game plan (I have to take care of her) endlessly when the inner voice is trying to talk about recommending change. When caregiving is consuming you or enmeshing you, make some dedication to options and changes and not only to further sacrifice to the end.

I know someone who was an RN for 25 years (head nurse in a busy ER) and now works as a chart coder. It's much less stress and no direct patient contact. She's had to take some courses to learn coding rules and regulations, but with Medicare and the Boomer generation, there's lots of need for qualified medical chart coders.

I think it's time to place your mom and take a break and figure out what you want to do after you get some rest. I'd also suggest you try to find something you love to do that totally takes you out of your present day moment. For me, that's the sport of pickleball. I get such joy playing that I feel mentally refreshed when I'm done playing. It's a great sport for older folks (I've played with a woman who was 87 and I regularly play with people in their 80s). You might like yoga or horseback riding or tennis or walking in the woods - just find something physical that you love to do. It can truly refresh you mentally and physically.

My young cousin is an R.N. and she recently moved from direct patient care to teaching hospital software to docs and other medical personnel. The college I work for is looking for R.N.s right now to teach in the BSN completion program. If you enjoying writing, you might be able to start a side career penning articles for newspapers and journals.

But first I would take a long, well-deserved vacation. You've earned it.

I don't have time to read all the responses but some of the ones that I read are marvelous. You will be able to find another career as an RN that is not in caregiving. I do know that there is a growing demand for Nurse Advocates. I hope you look into that with your vast experience.
Secondly, you must build in time for yourself as a caregiver because as you well know you are likely to get very sick from this amount of stress. In my area, there are exceptional day care programs for dementia patients. That would give you a half or whole day to yourself. Also, is your Mom a widow of a veteran? There could be money for her through VA Aid and Attendance to help you and to pay you. It's only about $1165/mo but it's tax free and could pay retroactively. I strongly suggest that you find someone to sit with her while you go to support groups and learn about other options for her care but more importantly, for your own personal health. Having a caregiver come in once a week to be with her, will give you another break. I am stressing at this point that you find some support and relief.
Also, in my area, no one goes to a nursing home if they can help it; especially with dementia - they don't have trained and enough caregivers to give the proper care to dementia patients. It's a unique kind of care requiring staff who get breaks, training, and are devoted to their careers as dementia caregivers.
Hope all this helps, and good luck!

Hi, guys...thanks for all of the encouragement & the prayers. I've probably had more talk with God lately than with anyone else. He's probably so tired of hearing from me that He hopes I forget his "phone number". LOL.

I did look into adult daycare but, unfortunately, the one & only adult daycare in my area closed its doors in June. We're extremely rural here & resources are very limited. My only current option for respite is either to hire an in-home aide, which I can't afford while off work or a respite stay in a nursing home. As resistant as she has been to nursing home admission, if I can succeed in getting her in a home...it's gonna be permanent.

I have a meeting scheduled for Oct 15th with her elder lawyer to discuss all of my options legally & financially. Normally, I'd have to make the 3 hr drive to his office but he was kind enough to agree to meet at an alternate location that cuts my drive down to 2 hrs. Hopefully, I will walk out of our meeting with a "battle plan" that will give me a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Once I'm able to "re-enter the light", THEN I guess I'll tackle the question of whether I can mentally & emotionally return to the demands of nursing. Until then, I'm taking it day-by-day & giving it up to God to guide me in the right directions.

Dear Olly,
OMG, I can relate. You are not alone. I am the only child of my 92 year old mother who has moderate Alzheimer's dementia. Things are getting way out of control and she shows open disdain and hatred for me. I can't take it anymore and I am entrusting her care to an assisted living/memory care facility in one week.
As one nurse to another and one caregiver to another, change your situation SOON! Your letter is screaming for RELIEF.
From Wikipedia (you KNOW this but seeing it in writing may help);
Chronic stress is the response to emotional pressure suffered for a prolonged period over which an individual perceives he or she has no control. It involves an endocrine system response in which occurs a release of corticosteroids. While the immediate effects of stress hormones are beneficial in a particular situation, long-term exposure to stress creates a high level of these hormones that remains constant. This may lead to high blood pressure (and subsequently heart disease), damage to muscle tissue, inhibition of growth, suppression of the immune system,[1] and damage to mental health.
Can you see what it's doing to YOU? You can't kill the caregiver while assisting the demented. Your mother is at the end of her life but you have half a lifetime yet to live.
As daughters (then women and nurses), we are taught to always put the other person/patient ahead of ourselves. Many of us come from dysfunctional and codependent families and it's even more ingrained there. We are "programmed" to care for others. Society even puts in their two cents by expecting us to be the caregivers. We are bombarded from all sides.
Now comes the hard part, getting rid of the GUILT for NOT doing it. There should BE no guilt for placing your loved one in a stable, secure, nurturing facility where there are THREE shifts of caregivers to assist your family member.
Also, take one step at a time. Don't worry about returning to your nursing job right now. Find a suitable place for your mom and move her there. Block out guilty feelings by whatever means you can (I don't mean a bottle of wine every night :), but meditation, praying, reading, massage, visiting friends, relaxation breathing, etc. Realize that you gave it your ALL and, by placing your mom in others' care, does NOT mean you've FAILED. You successfully helped her to this point for the last 1,825 days!! Now it's someone else's turn because you need to nurse YOU back to good health.
You are looking at returning to work while still BEING a caregiver. There would be no way to do the two jobs at once. It's a possibility that, after your life has been returned to you and you are relaxed, the nursing job won't SEEM like care giving anymore. It could be the way it was prior to caring for your mom. There are some good suggestions above that would also take you out of "direct patient care".
Too many of us are loosing our health, marriages, relationships with children and friends, jobs, savings and sanity due to this thankless job. We've done the best we can.
The fifth commandment is Honor thy father and mother. To honor is to treat with respect, to do what's right for them. At this point, placing your mother is right for her. She will be well attended to by people who aren't near mental collapse.
Good luck and I'll be praying for you.