I'm burnt out. In fact, I'm burnt to a crisp. My 84 year old mother has dementia. Although she still calls me by name, she doesn't have a clue that I'm her daughter (I'm just a "good friend"), she thinks her parents are still living, she thinks my father, who passed in 1989, is still living and last evening she was telling me some incoherent story about her brother and her sister.....but she's an only child. I know the things that she says and does are because her brain is lying to her & is telling her that things are real or true that truly aren't. I also know that she's not TRYING to stress me out. Still, I've been a 24/7/365 lone caregiver for 5+ years and the constant effort to keep her happy (she's quite demanding), keep her from wandering & field her continuously repetitive questions & anxities has worn me down, stressed me out & gotten me to the point where everything she says or does gets under my skin. Lately, I've been finding that I don't even want to hug her back when she wants one.
I'm burnt out. I know that I am. I even know HOW burnt out I am. I also know that one of the reasons why I'm SO burnt out is that I've been a caregiver my WHOLE life. I've been a nurse for 28 years, the last 5+ years while simultaneously caring for my Mom. I had to quit my job 7 months ago in order to be a full-time caregiver to Mom. I find myself feeling angry, isolated, resentful, physically tense and consistently tearful.
I know, for my sake, that Mom needs nursing home placement sooner rather than later. I've started touring nursing homes & getting all the necessary information to choose one. It might be another sign of how burnt out I am that when I think about placing her, I don't feel guilt. I actually feel a sense of relief......until I think about going back to work.....back to nursing. The thought of having to go back into ANOTHER caregiving role takes me INSTANTLY to tears again. I have no other viable skills....I've never worked in any other field...I'm single and have no other income....and I'm scared to DEATH that if I DON'T force myself back into nursing that I won't be able to pay my bills. On the flip side, I'm scared to death to GO back into nursing because a burnt out nurse is not a good nurse, nor a safe nurse.
Any other nurses out there that have reached critical mass & are SO burnt out that they don't think they can return to it? How did you "fix" your burn out problem?
I would go online and see what's out there. Knowing what the possibilities are might lift your spirits and give you more incentive to get out of the house and return to some independence.
You may well be able to find work in nursing in some of the ways others have suggested...There are such jobs as school nurses, industrial nurses and so on.
You may even feel comfortable in working for an agency and doing one on one home visitations.
First and foremost as I see it is that you should (must?) find immediate respite, on a frequent basis. One day off a week would do wonders. (In my case, I took a couple of two day trips in the two years I cared for my wife in our home. It was so refreshing.) My assignment was nowhere near as stressful as yours. My wife was grievously handicapped, but was agreeable...She could not speak and was paralyzed on one side but her mind was clear. She has lived in a nursing home since 2007, which is when my heart gave out.
Grace + Peace,
Bob
I was at a workshop where a speaker discussed this topic.
Off on a tangent there I go.
There are many consultant type positions that RN's would be very good at, while not providing the hands on care for anybody. There are nurse and social worker types that work in attorneys offices to assist families to negotiate the elder care maze. They also help it identify suitable facilities to place the elderly relatives. And just think, while doing your own shopping, of all the training you received!
I think it's time to place your mom and take a break and figure out what you want to do after you get some rest. I'd also suggest you try to find something you love to do that totally takes you out of your present day moment. For me, that's the sport of pickleball. I get such joy playing that I feel mentally refreshed when I'm done playing. It's a great sport for older folks (I've played with a woman who was 87 and I regularly play with people in their 80s). You might like yoga or horseback riding or tennis or walking in the woods - just find something physical that you love to do. It can truly refresh you mentally and physically.
But first I would take a long, well-deserved vacation. You've earned it.
Secondly, you must build in time for yourself as a caregiver because as you well know you are likely to get very sick from this amount of stress. In my area, there are exceptional day care programs for dementia patients. That would give you a half or whole day to yourself. Also, is your Mom a widow of a veteran? There could be money for her through VA Aid and Attendance to help you and to pay you. It's only about $1165/mo but it's tax free and could pay retroactively. I strongly suggest that you find someone to sit with her while you go to support groups and learn about other options for her care but more importantly, for your own personal health. Having a caregiver come in once a week to be with her, will give you another break. I am stressing at this point that you find some support and relief.
Also, in my area, no one goes to a nursing home if they can help it; especially with dementia - they don't have trained and enough caregivers to give the proper care to dementia patients. It's a unique kind of care requiring staff who get breaks, training, and are devoted to their careers as dementia caregivers.
Hope all this helps, and good luck!
I did look into adult daycare but, unfortunately, the one & only adult daycare in my area closed its doors in June. We're extremely rural here & resources are very limited. My only current option for respite is either to hire an in-home aide, which I can't afford while off work or a respite stay in a nursing home. As resistant as she has been to nursing home admission, if I can succeed in getting her in a home...it's gonna be permanent.
I have a meeting scheduled for Oct 15th with her elder lawyer to discuss all of my options legally & financially. Normally, I'd have to make the 3 hr drive to his office but he was kind enough to agree to meet at an alternate location that cuts my drive down to 2 hrs. Hopefully, I will walk out of our meeting with a "battle plan" that will give me a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Once I'm able to "re-enter the light", THEN I guess I'll tackle the question of whether I can mentally & emotionally return to the demands of nursing. Until then, I'm taking it day-by-day & giving it up to God to guide me in the right directions.
I know exactly how you feel. I went thru this at age 14 when forced to stay home from High School to care for my dysfunctional Mother with cancer. I grew up fast learning to juggle things responsibly, and became excellent at it, to the point I burnt out somewhere along the way. When u wake up feeling emotionally like a crispy critter, and realize your life is not your own anymore and you are not enjoying it, its time to take action to let someone else help. for your career, what about change to caring for Animals? Many shelters are so in need of help. With your experience I'm sure you'd be welcome as a Volunteer. That often leads to paid positions. If you like it enough, think about Veterinary Assistant classes, and be a Pet Nurse! Animals give unconditional love..unlike most humans.