My mom and step-dad lived on their farm for 35years. My step-dad passed away in June 2021 and my step- sisters inherited the farm. Mom got kicked out after she started going up stairs waking them up in the middle of the night telling them that they aren't suposed to be there. Basicly she had been hearing them talking that they are moving. I've talked to my step-sister and no they weren't moving.
Mom won't let it go about going back home. She gets real mad and yells at me cussing me out. I still have to go to the farm and get all her stuff. She says, "you better not do that!" .
I am guessing that StepDad didn't raise you? Nor did you live with his children as a family? That he owned the farm before he married ur Mom? Only way he could have left it to his kids. If Mom is on the deed, half the house is hers and she has a right to live there.
But the problem is her wanting to go back and she can't. And with the Dementia, she can't be reasoned with. All you can do is redirect her. Which is hard. Or tell her you'll see about it later, your busy now and pray she forgets. I would just go and get the rest of her stuff. Don't say anything. Store it where she doesn't see it.
I keep forgetting that with mother. She can't 'track' a conversation any more and I keep thinking she can.
I stay to visit only as long as I can stand it, then I leave. She doesn't usually even remember I've been there.
Both of your parents are step-parents to you? What about your step-sisters? Do they not think they have some responsibility for mom's care?
They now live in her home that she was in up until a few months ago and now it's theirs and she can go pound sand?
She might have dementia, but damn right you shouldn't go and get the rest of her stuff. You should go talk them and maybe a lawyer.
More questions: does your mom have a medical diagnosis of cognitive decline, memory loss, ALZ, etc? Has this behavior started "suddenly"? She could have an undiagnosed UTI. UTIs are extremely common in senior woman and often have no other symptoms than change in behaviors, confusion, cognition, etc. It can be accurately tested for and antibiotics can restore her health.
Has she ever created the PoA documents to designate someone as her medical/financial representative? This should be done first. If this doesn't happen the only other pathway to legally act in her own best interest is to pursue guardianship through the courts. This is time-consuming and can be expensive. If this doesn't happen, then the county will eventually need to attain guardianship. SOMEONE will have to have legal authority for her in order to make decisions on her behalf when she is no longer capable to do so.
To answer your question, "What do I do?" It depends on what you wish the outcome to be? If she doesn't have a UTI but DOES have cognitive decline, she won't recover, she'll only continue to get worse. Do you want to be her caregiver? Do you want to subject your husband and son to her disruptions and constant needs? Who will take care of her during the day while everyone is out of the home working or at school? Please remember that your husband and son and your own physical and mental health need to come first so that you are wholly able to take care of your mom. This may mean considering transitioning her to a facility. If she doesn't have the financial means, but she does qualify for AL or MC, she can apply for Medicaid (however many states Medicaid do not cover all or some of AL).
There are solutions. Have you discussed the impact of her living in your home with your husband and son? Your husband gets to cast the deciding vote. I wish you peace in your heart as you work through this challenge.