Since nov 11 her father has been in the hospital . she has been careing for her mother 24/7 . She has to take her mother to work with her . has cut her work in half so has lost heath ins. We were planning our wedding but since her father went in the hospital I have seen her for about 30 mins in that time . she don't know where to start for help so I will do it for her . Just looking for ideas as to where to find help .
I think the highest priority is to get some help so she can have some respite. She is already giving up half of her income. If her parents can't pay for help, help locate some volunteer services while help them look into qualifying for aid. (If they can afford to pay, then that is what should happen.)
Bless you. Hang in there!
Don't take any your sweetie's moods personally. Try to be supportive and encouraging.
First, just as an interim solution, hire in-home care to come in the morning to stay with Mom, get her bathed and dressed, etc. And perhaps in the evening so that she can visit Dad without worrying about Mom.
There may be another dynamic happening here, that we all suffer from, and that is the "I can do everything" syndrome. You learn very quickly that it takes many people to help with an elderly family member...let alone two.
It would really be beneficial for her to come to this site and read many of the posts. Most of us are long term caregivers, so there is a lot of good advice here.
Can her parents afford Assisted Living? If not, there are many ALFs that take Medicaid residents. Perhaps that is something you could do for her. Visit ALFs in your area and find out what your options are. Speak with the directors, not the sales staff. They are the best resource for information and can give you some guidance.
It is normal for her to be depressed and stressed...but those are clear signals that things need to change. So, I would suggest looking at options sooner than later. Also, counseling may help her get over any guilt she may feel for having to choose a different living arrangement.
But for now, start with in-home paid care, to give her a break.
Lilli
PS: Her Dad may be able to qualify for hospice care, which can take place in her home. My best advice is to get a referral for a good company and contact them directly. They can give you guidance and they have doctors on staff who can help her Dad qualify. (I can give you more information about this option.)
Good luck
Is either of her parents a veteran? There is a benefit called Aide and Attendance that you have to apply for and is based mostly on physical need.
Many programs are based solely on income. They would have to meet the income levels to qualify.
Are her parents living at home? or in an Assisted Living Facility? If not, it would be wise to investigate facilities in your area. There is a variety of care out there from simple assistance with housekeeping and meals to full personal care.
In the meantime, there should really be some paid in-home care in place...she will not be able to do it alone, unless she plans on becoming a full time caregiver. It really is a 24/7 job with lots of challenges.
I hope this gives you a start. We really need more information in order to give you more specific advice. For example, what are their physical issues? Are they both mobile? etc.