looking after my mum with dementia, 24/7, is causing severe depression and I also have ptsd through a robbery on my dads home were I and my dad were nearly killed, my dad is also ill ptsd and depression and needs a hip replacement suffering severe pain and can hardly walk, so im looking after both, I get no sleep of a night what so ever im up and down the stairs all night as I put my mum to bed she gets up all the time, I put her back to bed and shes up again, this carries on till about 7 in the morning while im following her sobbing and exhausted, I tried all tablets but they don't work, she fights it, then I out her on nytol bingo, it worked for so long now the effect has worn of, she is on the go all day and all night and will nod of for an hour or so in the day, surly to god there's got to be something out there, I genuinely feel as if im having a breakdown but cant fully because there's no way I would put my mum in care, I will carry on till I drop, she needs to go into respite care just the days only, but she wont go and I no she will be looking for me and crying, I don't no what to do maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she had a normal sleep pattern, you wouldn't let a dog suffer in this way never mind a human being alzimers and dementia are horrible cruel life destroying illnesses I feel for for you all who care for your loved ones, don't no how much longer I can cope this is cruel so cruel
Give yourself permission to act in their best interest- and yours- guilt-free.
Maybe this behavior is a sign-post that a change is needed. Nothing on this journey stays the same for long.
I swore I'd never put my kids in daycare before I had kids. People who used daycare couldn't possibly love their child. Daycare was evil and everyone who worked at a daycare hated children. (I had some really bad experiences as a child in daycare.) But, when I really had that baby and really had to go to work to pay the bills, I had to re-evaluate my thinking and find solutions. I had to let myself out of that corner and be open to looking at daycare centers, daycare in homes, a nanny/au-pair, etc. Eventually I found a good option to start which evolved into other things over time until we no longer needed a care option. It was good for me, and it was good for my child to be around others, do things I wouldn't have thought of, have experiences separate from me. It was good for me to get a break from the endless diapers, barf, washing & cleaning, & behavior management. I should mention this first child is ADHD/Asperger's and this was before we knew those diagnosis, so he was a VERY difficult baby. I thought I was in a government test of human endurance and I was failing fast. I think that experience taught me a lot that I'm reusing with my mom & her care. I had to give myself permission to be flexible, be on the lookout for changes, and be ready to respond to the change. I also had to give up what I had built in my mind as the perfect experience because it wasn't going to happen. Once I let myself be open, I ended up finding the most wonderful lady starting her daycare at home, who needed a first baby. Hello! We needed each other!
Look at the pros & cons of different respite options, including the ability for you to have some rest & recovery time - WITHOUT GUILT. There are no bonus points for killing yourself in the process of doing this. There's a reason people work in shifts at care facilities. No human being can do this 24/7/365, and they get paid for it! What makes us different that we're supposed to do this work without a break? Nothing.