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If an elderly parent has an adult child and this child did something that ended up in her having a lengthy mental evaluation, can this person still be capable of being "in charge?" There are two heirs, this daughter and a son, both in their 40's. Sister and mother have always disliked the son, and things changed drastically for son when father died. This sister, who was just released from this evaluation, will not talk about what she did. There is question of a fire being started by her. Son just wanted to care for mother, and was doing so. He did not want to have to fight this but he really has no choice because his sister said she "cannot handle anything.” She is depressed; she cannot get up in the mornings. She is trying to change mother's thoughts and has caused her to worry about everything now. Son said then I guess I will try to get P.O.A. to help mom (pay her bills etc.), and that is when sister went off in anger saying she would FIGHT HIM! He is a very good son, and had been attending to his mom's needs every day after & before work. Additionally, if this sister really started a fire in (that is what is believed happened to initiate her evaluation; she refuses to tell her brother what she did) it worries me that she could possibly hurt their mother. The son has been employed for 25 years, has very good credit, and no felonies. What can he do to help his mother? The daughter has a close relationship with the attorney that handled father’s estate, and helped with mom’s will and trust. They have done all this without even consulting the son. As an heir, doesn't he have a right to know what is going on? He was taking care of his mom, the sister moved out of state years ago because she blamed mom for her troubles in life. Just recently came back, brought attorney to moms house, and attorney told her the home was not fit to live in (not true), plus scared her about everything under the sun. She thinks she is broke, but is not. I find this attorney very unethical. His sister will not let him be involved through this attorney “friend” and now they hired another attorney for POA of finances/medical, then sister LEFT to go back to where she is living (some type of halfway house after being released from her LONG mental eval). They came and made mother write all sorts of checks, and she does not even know what for. This NEW attorney has not even contacted the mom, and she already has a bill from him for over 2 grand! We even emailed him to ask if he is in charge now so we will not make double payments on bills etc. for mom, but he will not answer us. We prepare food for her because she is a diabetic and is getting very frail. She aged drastically since the daughter came to town, it is shocking. How can an attorney legally listen and follow direction from a client's daughter who just got out of a very lengthy mental evaluation? They seem to have manipulated this elderly lady. Now they have just abandoned her! And they specifically stated on a document to this NEW attorney that "mother doesn't want son taking care of her". I asked her and she did not say that and DID NOT want to hire another attorney! Her son IS taking care of her, before and after work...but this cannot continue as his mom is getting worse.. How can the son, who is caring for mom daily, get a legal standing on all this?

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Are you the fiancee of the son? If not, what is your role and/or relationship to the family?

Does the son share your concerns?
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Yes, I am the fiancee. I have known him for over 20 years. And yes, I am actually voicing the sons' concerns. He doesn't know how to go about anything re: this situation, and I am trying to find him some answers as to what he should do. We do not have a large amount of money to hire an attorney..and they all seem to know one another around here anyway., I am also enrolled to start my second year of college, and it's going to be very difficult to help my fiancee make any decisions after that. He needs some direction and we don't know how to begin, or if it's even worth it if we do have spend money on an attorney. His sister has also managed to get him cut out of receiving his inheritance that was to be handed down from father to son, etc, etc once father died. He was so mad about it for years, but now he said it doesn't matter...nothing he can do. He just needs help with his mom right now and thats all that matters.
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So your post is kind of confusing to me. Does the mom have dementia? If not, she should be able to revoke the POAs and take control of her own life. If her kids are in their 40s, I would expect mom to be in her 60s or so? If so, what's going on with her that she's so dependent on others to handle her life at this relatively young age?

Does your fiance not live in this small town where everyone knows everyone else? And how does the sister come in from being away and get everyone one to do her bidding? I just don't understand...it sounds like pieces of the story are missing. Can you tell us more? It sounds like even though sister may have some mental issues, she's smart enough to out maneuver her brother again and again.
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What does MOTHER want to have happen? What is her medical/mental status?
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The big question, is mom competent? She can do new POA's if she is. She will need her own attorney and if she is competent you should not interfere as this could be considered undue influence which is what sister may have done. Adult Protective Services may be able to offer assistance. But is mom wrote these checks she is handling her own money. This raises many questions.
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She was OKAY before the sister came, but she refuses to see a dr. now and she has aged DRASTICALLY in a month and a half She seems to be on the verge of dementia, she is so confused now after the sister was here. Additionally, Blannie, as I stated in my first comment, the sister is FRIENDS now with this attorney they had hired after father died. I didn't say anyone else was doing what she wanted...if she has the attorney wrapped around her finger, thats"s enough. This attorney said she reminded her of her own daughter who had passed, so, there ya go. She calls and talks to this attorney from another state and MOM gets charged. We saw the bills. And if it seems confusing, it's because I only have so much time and space to give the whole story...its what I said in a nutshell. It's complicate and if it's sounds like pieces are missing, that's because you are on the receiving end of just the tip of an iceberg. Mother just wants to "keel over." now. She won't see a Dr. and she is so upset she doesn't want to talk about it. She WANTS her son to come everyday. But she needs more help than just the two if us now. She doesn't know what to do. She thinks she can't do ANYTHING because she believes she is broke. I told her we would help her do whatever she wants to do. She said if she goes to a Dr. he will tell her she is out of her mind. She is afraid to do anything that needs to be done. Mom wrote the checks, but she thought she had to because this attorney told her to! Now, she can't even get her mind straight anymore to write a check. My fiancee told her that this was just an attorney...she can't tell her what to do. She thought she HAD to. And she didn't even know where the checks were going, especially for this "new" attorney. . All these things changed once the sister came and left, and my fiancee said she is acting so different that he feels like they gave her "something." I said they could have upset her so bad that she had a minor stroke. There are many questions and if it seems confusing to you, it is also confusing to us. I think if she would get her diabetes checked she may not be so mentally confused. She hasn't taken meds for several years. But I told her she may feel better & think more clearly if she did. But she won't go. she cancelled an appt she had two months ago. I went to pick her up but she said she wasn't going. And she is 79 years old.
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Get a home glucose test kit and a hemoglobin A1c kit. Hopefully mom will let you check and hopefully the results will be horrible. Then it's "Mom, you're not crazy, your glucose is 302 (or whatever it is) and that would make anyone feel like you are feeling!" You have to get this taken care of if you want to feel better and not be crazy!"
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