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mom is 94 and in the last few days has stopped talking, she acts like she hears but just wants to stay in bed and not eat or drink, she has a lot of confusion and goes back in time a lot but lately has just not wanted to talk even to the nurses she has had for over 2 years now.

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What have the doctors/nurses told you? When my Mom stopped eating and talking the nurse told us to gather the family. My mother lived for about a week after she refused food. We talked to her, told family stories, laughed, cried and made sure she was comfortable. Best wishes for peace for your mother and your family.
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My mother-in-law just passed away two weeks ago, and that is how she was the last few days of her life. Hospice is wonderful if you want to get them involved. They can really help you. Bless you and your Mother.
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94 years old. You are very lucky to have had her that long. I wish my mom would last that long, but I doubt that's going to happen. She's almost 86.
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I agree with everyone here. This sounds like end-of-life behavior. You've been fortunate to have her this long. If she is uncomfortable you may want to call on hospice. They can help make those last months or days much more comfortable.
Take care. Please let us know how you are doing.
Carol
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My husband lost most of his vocabulary about 4 years ago. He only used two words in most of his talking. But when he gets mad he can throw out a big long sentence using expletives and it is grammatically correct! I think it is called dysphasia ! I get lonely because I have no one to talk to! But my friend who's husband talks her ears off, wishes he didn't talk so much!
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I guess I would wonder if this has come on gradually or suddenly.
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About four years ago, my mom did not talk for about a year. Then she started talking again, and sometimes wouldn't stop but much of it was her own language, which I learned to understand partially. Then she stopped talking again, in her final months. She died 7 months ago. But she experienced joy til the end. she still smiled, she still gave great,loving hugs. Never give up hope. Never wait for death. When it comes, you don't need to wait by the door. It will knock the door down with a vengeance. But until then, live each moment to the fullest. We did.
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My mom recently declined and dr at the nh says it's time for hospice.so I did. Hospice has been known to be helpful Providing they have enough nurses, social workers , cna aids to go around. A wheel chair had been specifically requested. Not just your ordinary one, the one that has a high back and reclines. Waited one week then hospice says it wasn't ordered after the request. It comes the second week and the non skid pad was not ordered. It's been 3 weeks. Mom is still with hospice but is showing signs of awareness and starting to sound herself. Her food intake is very minimal. Purée food the amount of a large baby food. She has disphagia. She gags when she's talking with small food in her mouth before she swallows. The aids at the nh as soon as she gags they stop. They are concerned of her choking. I am also concerned when that happends. I remind her to swallow and when she does that we are on to the next bite. The speech therapists says give the food as long as she is requesting it. I just encourage her to try to realize that when she doesn't gag it's because she is swallowing and not talking at the same time and all goes well. Before hospice stepped in my mom refused to eat and drink and refused her medicine. Now she is eating more than three weeks ago but refusing meds daily. She hasn't forgotten who her sister is and remembers people who speak to her on the phone. My question is my mom going thru phases of up and down of her life before it ends.
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I really don't understand why everyone says embrace life. I am waiting and hoping for death. This is not life abundant! It is cruel, embarrassing, and humiliating to live this way. What pleasure for the caregiver? Yes he does enjoy his old movies that he watches every day! That is all he can do. Watch TV, eat and that's it. He can't talk so what else is there. He was very religious and loved to go to church, We can't go anymore because of extreme diarrhea, and he had forgotten what the "Host" was for! He didn't know what to do with it when he went up for communion. I had to guide him back to the pew or he would try to take the napkin from the wine steward at communion. Just humiliating! There isn't much left. How can one cherish this stage of AD. I just pray that the Lord will take him in his sleep before I have to put him in a home! I don't want to have to do that! But I recognize there will be a point where I will not be able to lift him or care for him when he is bedridden! I want it to be over! God forgive me, please!
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And this man was and is the Love of my life. We have been married for 38 years. I love him so much!
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She is entering her last stage it sounds like as the brain is shutting down her muscles which control the speech. Prepare yourself and know at 94 yrs. she has had a full life. Bless you and your family.
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What a terrible time for you; my husband of 44 years just passed and it is so heartbreaking when they go. I’m 82 and have had about 5 years of caregiving. What worked for me was to try the old adage of “walking in his shoes” and I realized I wouldn’t be as accepting of the problems as he was. Also, I tried to make special treats for him, and give lots of hugs. It worked for us altho I will tell you there were many times where I didn’t know how long I could do this. He fell a lot and couldn’t get around on his own but when the times comes, it will be comforting to you to remember that you did as much as you could for him. When it gets too much for you, ask your doctor about taking a medication to calm yourself. Many blessings to both of you.
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Could have had a stroke.
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#1......I am so sorry for everyone's loss. Disease is cruel and evil. Wamnanealz, don't feel bad or beat yourself up over wanting it to be over. I pray every day for my mom to be put out of her misery. I hate seeing this one time vital, beautiful woman sit in a wheelchair slumped over, not talking except for some jibberish every once in a while. She doesn't talk much and hospice has just started her on pureed food. She won't like it (my mother in law hated it) but we'll see if this helps her with her eating. #2.....As for the talking or lack of, it's really per person. Everyone is so different. As stated above I would have her dr. or facility dr. take a look at her and see if this is just the disease progressing or if hospice does need to be contacted. Again as stated in previous posts, sometimes it just comes and goes, goes and comes but she does need to be looked at to see what exactly is going on. Could be medication, uti, any number of things since they aren't able to articulate what is going on. Good Luck and God Bless....
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My Mom is gradually declined, she need assistance with going to the bathroom, dressing and bathing; however when you fix her plate she can feed herself. She still talks but it sometimes doesn't make sense. I had to leave my home and go stay with her, while working. The important thing I learn is you can't take it personal when they fuse, fight you. Just remember how He or She use to be, and Love them and enjoy the time you have with them, good or bad. No it's not pleasant at all but, but I learn that attitude is everything. No, no one dreams of having to take care of your parents with Dementia, but think of it as sowing good seeds for your future.
My prayers are with you all.
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One of my husbands problems that caught my attention was his rough time with words and numbers... before he was diagnosed. This was in 2007-2008. He was finally diagnosed with Alzheimer's the end of 2008 just before age 71. He quit speaking within a few months of diagnosis. He was that way until his death in November last year. Anything that can happen at any stage of Alzheimer's can happen at any stage... if you understand what I am saying.
As wamnan said, she missed the sound but another person wishes their spouse would shut up!! I loved my husbands deep beautiful voice, one of the many things that made me fall in love with him.
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I understand how someof u feel. Of all her children, my Mom and I have been closest. But I have a hard time seeing her this way. She has forgotten how to cook. Reading isn't fun since her mind does process. And, u can't hold a conversation with her. She does enjoy sitting and listening. Just now she is worried about my nieces getting their birthday checks. I told her that is months away. Then she mentions Christmas, again months away. Then she says my brother gave her money for them and she doesn't want to forget. I tried explaining the money was "her" gifts for Christmas and Birthday not for the girls. Yes, had to repeat myself because she didn't understand me. Patience ran thin. Still don't think she understood.

For the lady whose husband is 94. My Mom is 87 and I don't think its fair thatshe has to live this way for the rest of her life.
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My mom stopped eating in the NH. I did not want her to starve herself . i suggested a feeding tube an the request was not well received. the staff did not explain why I should or should not put the feeding tube in. I really struggled to decide. My decision was to put the tube in. Mom was not improving. a nurse explained to me that the tube is painful for her and she screams at night. I immediately had her remove the tube. I blame the NH for not telling me the real reason they were closed mouth about what was really happening. I found out later after she died that Nature was trying to shut her body down and that her body did not want to be fed. I was also told that starving is not a painful way to die. I was left with so much guilt. If I was only told what was happening to her I never would have made the decision to forcefully feed her. Why did they withhold information when I was being tormented by the decision I made?
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Want to follow.
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this is in reply to wamnaneatz: Finally someone says what I have been feeling for a long, long time. I have lived with my husband with Alzheimers for 11 years! He is only 76 and may live another 10 years, but he became mean and tried to kill me, broke furniture in our house and I had to have both of us locked in the house as he left every 10 min. Finally, I ended up living in my bedroom to avoid him. At last when he took a hammer to my head, I knocked him over and called the police. They dragged him away in a police car in handcuffs. He is now in Assisted Living He has no money, as he never thought about saving but we have been married 53 years and so all the money I earned is going to pay the $ 100,000. it costs me to keep him going in the assisted living. They will spend me down till I have only $ 50,000. for the rest of my life- not per year- for as long as I live! My mother was 96, so that may be 25 more years. Undoubtedly, I will end up on welfare and lose all I worked so hard for for 54 years. I will be in low income housing and on food stamps. Do I wish he would die/ Yes! He has no quality of life left at all and it is costing me my life savings to keep him alive. He has no clue who he is or where he is or sometimes even who I am. I felt so guilty about feeling this way, but as you can see, I have been through h*ll and back with this man and now I am the one being punished - he doesn't know anything anymore. It is so unfair. I wish I had gotten a divorce 5 years ago, when they said I should so I would not be responsible for him anymore, but there is a 5 year look back in our state and at the time I felt Icould not do it to him. I agree with the gal above. I am sorry to think like this, but the consequences of his living are so devastating to me, that it is the best solution. Lynn
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I don't think any of us should feel guilty about not wanting our loved ones to live like this. I don't want to live like that and hope I don't! It's not fair, it's not right but the disease doesn't discriminate and we just do the best we can under the circumstances. Each one of us has so much going on and it's hard. I pray to God that there will either be a cure or a really good treatment someday. It won't help my mom or dad but hopefully my son won't have to go through this with his mom and dad. Like I said it's hard. I try so hard not to feel guilty having a life while my mom is wasting away and my dad depends on me for everything even though he lives independently in a facility. I'm kind of rambling here but just want everyone to know it's "ok" to have the feelings you are having. Whether you had a great childhood or crappy one your feelings are your feelings. Can't get away from them. I pray for all of you on this site every day for strength, patience and guidance.
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Sometimes life just stinks. Although I still love my husband, I feel like it is too much to ask a person to bear all of this Disease. There should be some state aid for people in this situation. I am a middle income person, so I will have to pay for Bill's disease. When he gets to the Nursing home, it will bankrupt me too. I had life insurance which I thought would last me for my final years. I took it out on my husband because my he is ten years older than me. Little did I know that I have saved my whole life and am still paying on that policy. It will all be taken from me by the nursing home. I will probably end up living with one of my daughters. I never wanted that to happen. They have their own lives and we don't exactly agree on everything that happens in life! Life stinks. I say that and yet my faith sustains me at all times. If I didn't have my faith, I don't know what I would do.
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Why is it that a person has to SPENT all their hard earned money an this horrible Alzheimer's. When there are other things like cancer and other things out there that are actually covered my insurance and Alzheimer's is not. There is something wrong with this picture. SOMETHING SHOULD BE DONE !!!!!!
IT IS NOT RIGHT EITHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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All above answers are good, really on target. Years ago people use to get sick and die without developing Alzheimer's so spending all your money on the disease was not necessary because the people just died. Now with medical advancements which let people live into their 90's and sometime age 105 our bodies are outliving our brains. This is the price we are now paying for medical research. Even in cancer cases and other medical problems Medicare and other insurances take care of you if you are continuing to improve. Once you stop getting better or plateauing it becomes custodial care. (That is when they stop paying). Yes it is horrible that all our money has to go on this. Maybe the solution is what they did in the Movie Logan's Run. The first make of the movie got rid of people at the age of 60. The remake got rid of people at the age of 30. Scary movie.
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The Sad Stage.......REality hits in, and appreciate the person you are caring for....love, no judging, and love...........no questions, no doubts, know you are there, and they feel and see, and know who you are...............
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Would you rather be in a tornado or earthquake or hurricane?? Strange question......But, if you had to choose between Cancer or ALZ,,,,what would you rather suffer from? Horrible question, I know, been there, done that with family, friends, etc......You don't choose,,, it's what you end up having.....You don't know.....until it happens......FIL told my child, We don't get off this earth alive....Yes, my kid was only 9 years old..He died of cancer, my father died of cancer, and MOM is dying of ALZ..........Let nature take its course naturally at this age.........
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CORRECTION: FIL and dad died of cancer. etc. etc.....When I had to go through genetic counseling...the doctor just looked at me, and stopped the questioning......Everything runs in our family............oops.....Have a wonderful child...Couldn't ask for anything better...It's about the lives we bring up...and how they deal with US...Hope child takes care of me,,,one way or the other...ooops....
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i have known my mom -aztec and her grandma is sick lol im not though ...lol dementia @ u
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No offense... someone asks a question (the original post) but people seem to get off the subject. I realize dementia is a horrible thing for people to go thru, the patient and the caregiver. If someone asks a question, they are looking for an answer. I sympathize with many of you, but I also think we should stick to the original question. No offense.
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I feel the same way I too am caring for my hubby too since 2010 its so hard now he wont leave me alone and gets really possessive I cant go to church either and miss the fellowship im lonely and scared too. Im relying everyday for God to help me. he has progressive aphasia the only reason im on here cuz he fell asleep I cant even talk on the phone. He cannnot do anything at all and usually goes on and on and curses too. yes it is embarrassing,i have no life at all , it uses to be fun and I thought of it as a ministry he wd make me laugh but now I only feel sad and he no more fun im with him24/7 iiiiits to much he can no longer use bathroom and hates being bathed I don't know how much longer I cn do this he saids numbers alot. thx everyone prayers for all xo
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