My dad is almost 93. His dementia is advancing and he forgets more and more (although he still catches me on some stuff!). I am his guardian and conservator. I have yet to attempt to move him to assisted living and I really, really think he would thrive. Even with the dementia, he is a pretty social person. His house is not safe. To bring it up to safety standards would be a bit of work. He still lives on his own but care comes in every day for a few hours. They take him out in the car, to the store, church etc. nearly for the entire shift. He is having a good summer with the longer days but once it starts getting darker earlier, he will dip back into a bit of depression. His care service is pushing for longer hours. Yes we could do it although dad doesn't want that. Says there's not enough work to do although I have explained to him that part of the reason they are there is to make sure he is safe. I know the care service would like 12-24 hour shifts but I really don't think that is necessary. He is still continent, still manages his own meds, heats up food they prepare for him in the microwave. 24 hour home care would be cost prohibitive. He will definitely run out of money. So we are at the break even point financially between home vs. assisted living. He doesn't want to move and I have to go to the court to move him because of the guardianship. Our state is very generous to the protected person. I doubt I will win and will be forced to do these long shifts or be in trouble with the care service and then we will run out of money. At a loss....... don't know what to do..................
I would stretch out what is working as long as you can, but if you haven't connected with an elder law attorney (certified, preferably who works for a flat consultation rate) I would...they will want a financial accounting to help you plan into the future but will give you guidance on that. You should probably be doing research on locations, so you can be ready when the time comes...if it comes...
Additionally, you are setting the precedent that your own caregivers (your kids?) will follow someday when you are the elder.
My children have seen and experienced loss by dementia, and never, EVER would I inflict upon them the lifestyle that was mine as a caregiver.
If you love your father and can make objective decisions about what would serve him best, do so.
I am thinking that not everyone thrives.
In fact some decline. The professionals I have consulted all fall on the side of the fence where your loved on will decline.
24 hour caregiver from the service is as much cost as a nursing home and to me it doesn’t sound like he needs that level of care. Why pay someone to sit and be on their phone while he is sleeping?
After he has been in the respite have a sit down with him about the things he enjoyed and an honest discussion about costs vs more in home care. Let him realize he will run out of money and go on Medicaid and have to move to LTC. You’re trying to avoid that and he will still have good meals, friends and people he knows, activities etc. and if he still wants to go to the senior center these places normally provide transportation at a small fee. At least they do where my dad lives.
Where will he be safest...where will he be more engaged and have the opportunity to make new friends...and with which situation will you have more peace of mind? Move him with a gentle heart and lots of active listening. Visit him and join in with some of the activities. Have conversations with some of his "neighbors" by visiting during lunch a couple days a week and engage your dad. You will never regret doing so.
No worries, If athis is goin gon, What court int heir Right Mind would Not Feel it Unsafe for an Elderly person such s this One, Hun, To Move him to a safer Environment?
We call this Endangering the Welfare of an Elderly person in the Industry call them tomorrow, Protective Services for the Elderly.
You are guardian for person and money. YOU are in charge of his best interests, which clearly point to his being in AL.
I agree with getting APS on board if you think dad or attorney is going to court to claim "abuse". Perhaps the attorney is looking to take over guardianship and be paid?
I smell a rat.
Shop around and visit some. They kept him busy and he created some great friendships. It was also very affordable. The center I chose was run by "meals on wheels" and had a great staff with a nurse on staff.
It also allowed us to save money for later when we needed it (spend the money when the time comes to move him) and able to have companion help also when he was home. Companion help runs cheaper than someone who comes in to do cleaning and meals. Get companion help if they are going to drive him around.
Hopes this helps.
So, the AL will call the police? Is this the right place for him if they dont have a better answer?
What meds have been tried to soothe his anger? What activities does he enjoy?
I think I'd go with a therapeutic fib about YOU needing to have surgery. Tell him he needs to stay there for a month so that you have no need to worry about him while you are recuperating. Tell him that the doctor is to blame, or that the law requires you to do this.
I would talk to a lawyer, someone well-versed in elder law, to let you know what your options are. They know a lot about Medicaid, Medicare, etc. and may help smooth your path.
It might make you feel a lot better to have an expert who is unequivocally on your side. I don’t know what the protocol is for nursing homes, maybe they make a habit of covering their butts. But I get the impression you’re being pressured, and my antennae are quivering . You know your dad as a person, and if you think AL is best for him, check it out. Thank God he’s social by nature. That’s probably the best thing for his mood.
I wish I could help more. I wish you and your father the best.