I'm in a dilemma as to what is the right thing to do. I've made the decision to finally admit my husband to AL but still there are so many loose ends to clear up.
I have to get the doctors to send the correct orders for meds. He's been on Xanax for about a month. It has changed him 80% as far as weakness, mumbling, stumbling around, and continuing to be defensive, paranoid, and compulsive about many things when he's awake.
The AL won't keep him if he continues to pace and trying to leave the building. They said it can be fixed with medication and he needs the Xanax and that the doc needs to add an antipsychotic. I have questions about all these things too.
Since my husband has been so attached to me, it's been suggested by the AL that I stay away from him for at least 2 weeks or longer. They said they can't "make" me do that because I have a right to come in at any time. But they said it would be best if ALL family would stay away and let him acclimate to
the new surroundings.
On the other hand, I have others telling me that he will likely do better if I stay with him most of every day until he gets used to the place. They say as long as it takes and that might be up to a couple months...this advice from friends and a couple caregivers I know.
I'm willing to do whatever is best, I just know I can't manage him at home anymore. He takes constant redirecting and the only break now is when the Xanax puts him to sleep. But I'm very burned out, it's been several years! But I could stay about 7-8 hours in the AL if it would help him adjust.
Please, if anyone has any experience about which way is best I'd sure like to hear how it worked.
Call everyday by all means and make sure he is being given his meds. You can even pick up his laundry from the front office but resist the temptation to peek in his room. if you have children you remember what a fuss the little ones made when first left with a sitter but once you were out the door the crying stopped.
I have heard anecdotal stories that no visitors for 2 weeks is best. I have not seen research. But without seeing empirical evidence, I would never ever leave my demented husband alone for 2 weeks. I was with him most of the time he was in TCU, and I stayed with him around the clock in the hospital. Of course, the difference there is that I knew these were not permanent stays.
When my mother had difficulty overnight in the nursing home, I spend the night in her room for a couple of weeks. The nh staff was fine with that. They would not have been able to keep her on that floor (instead of memory care) if we couldn't resolve the issue. Fortunately we did, and she sleeps through the night now.
I guess I'm in the minority, but I sure hope my family doesn't abandon me in a strange place when I'm befuddled.
Are you going to start another thread about the meds?
Nobody has any experience with antipsychotics.
They work differently for each patient so the Dr just has to keep trying till they find the right combination. They really should be supervised by a geriatric psychiatrist who is experienced in the dementias.
The goal is to achieve a form of socially acceptable behavior were the patient can function within his/her capabilities and be co-operative with the caregivers and if possible interact with his peers.
Your goal is first to loose your guilt for placing him. You did not cause his illness. You have given him the best care at home. You have recognized the need to seek a higher (more professional) level of care. You did not train for this job and have seen your limits. It is not a case of "I can't do this anymore" it is a case of
" it will be better for him if I don't do this anymore" You are not giving up on him you are seeking the next step to keep him as content and comfortable as possible as his illness progresses. You would not make him walk on a broken leg in the grocery store when there are wheelchairs by the door.
The number one rule in caregiving is "Take care of yourself" You are doing that so you can continue to care for hubby just in a different way. You are the only person he has got on his side.
I am actually glad it happened though because they did add extra staff to make sure it doesn't happen again.
I'm hoping the medication (Alprazalam and Seroquel) will keep him down enough to settle in. Mica393, it's amazing to me it could take "months" for your mother to adjust, wow! That seems like a long time but I can see this is going to be another learning curve for me. I'm just hoping it doesn't take that long.
Another problem, my hubby (Bob) presents very calm and likeable. He doesn't even look like a person who would be there. But I think the whole time he's looking for an escape plan and people don't realize it. How in the world can he put that together when he can't even remember what happened a few seconds ago?!
Well, so far I've learned a few things. 1) there's a BIG difference between an AL and a memory care facility. 2) it's okay to lie to a person with Alzheimer's so they can get some help. 3) don't trust what you think they might or might not do
4) some things like how long to stay away after admit cannot be determined till the very moment family and the healthcare workers think it is the right time.
I'm still not knowing when I'll go back because I wouldn't want to set him back to trying to get with me again. I'm thinking it could be almost a month...but just guessing!
I'm feeling at this point, I don't know much...lol!
Had she put off her "maintenance"? I have no idea. But I think that YOU should pay a visit at least to your primary and go from there.
All good things to you!
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