since he had a heart attack 4 yrs ago. My mother is healthy for her age but has a bad knee. She has been diagnosed with neuropathy. She takes too many pain pills. My step father is weak because he stays in the bed all the time which makes my mom run like crazy to do the simple things for him that he can really do himself. I am super worried about my mom. She passes out and usually ends up in the hospital. She's getting a little forgetful but not real bad. I don't like them being alone. I live in florida and offered to move up there to help with daily chores. Yes I want to move in with them to be around my mom 24/7. Step father says it will do more harm than good. my mom wants the help. I don't know what to do. She tells me she's ready to die and at this point in her life I don't think that should be an option! I feel my step father is running her ragged . He's like a father to me and we get along. So that is not an issue. She's only 4'9 and 120 pounds. Bottom line is, her kids want to help her even relocate to do so and he says no. Don't know what to do. Any comments or suggestions would be grateful.
I would say that considering what you have described, how would this be better in your home? It sounds like step dad has lot of issues and it would be a disaster inviting him into your place.
Do you know why she's passing out? I'd take caution before inviting them into my home. Why not see if they qualify for Assisted Living, which provides more daily care than an Independent Living facility?
Your Mom ragged, catering to His every needs. If it were Me I would not hesitate to move in with Your Parents to assist Your Mom in caring for Your Step Dad, since Your Mom is 80 years now and should not be expected to be a full time Carer. I bet Your Mom would be delighted with Your company and companionship as it would be a great release from Caring for Your Step Dad. You would have no regrets.
What kind of in-home help do they have now? What else do they need help with? The list to consider includes:
1) house cleaning
2) laundry
3) yard work (if applicable -- are they in a house or apartment?)
4) household maintenance (handyman services)
5) snow removal (if applicable)
6) shopping for groceries, etc.
7) cooking
+++++++++++++
8) medication management
9) helping SF shower
If mother had plenty of help with these things, she might not feel so worn out waiting on her husband. And all of these things can be hired out to people experienced and/or trained to do them well, without family members pulling up roots and moving in.
It is NOT a case of either you move into their home against SF's wishes or you do nothing. Help them figure out what would be most beneficial and start with arranging that.
If you really, really want to move, move into your own apartment or house close to them and visit often. Keep an eye on things. But please respect the dynamics of your parents' marriage. Don't move in with them.
while you are there, go with to a Dr. they will want tests done. you can get a poa form there, set up some visits to assisted living places to see if they will consider it.