Jealous? Or just losing his mind? Where do I start....My mom (72 yrs old) has early AD. Currently living at home with husband (80 yrs old) - my stepfather, who is almost deaf & has health issues. I am the oldest of 3 adult children. Anyway one major problem is my stepfather seems to be in denial regarding moms illness. She can no longer manage paying bills, Dr. appts, house keeping, etc. When we try to help, he gets upset & says she can still do all the things she used to do. He thinks we're interfering & trying to run things. Mom is very happy to have help & even she gets mad with him for not wanting us to help. He won't/can't do these things & we don't expect him to. We just want to help keep them both safe and keep their bills paid & the house semi-clean! Any idea why he behaves this way? Any suggestions?
You might also call Adult Protective Services and ask for their advice about of to proceed.
Continue helping out when and where you can. Try giving your stepfather small tasks to do. Let him feel like he's helping, that he's still essential and useful.
Is there a way you can arrange to help your mother secretly, such as taking her out to lunch, lingering a while back at your house and taking care of the bills and other financial issues? Is your or your sister's name(s) on their checking account so you could pay the bills w/o your stepfather being aware?
As to his toileting issues, I think it's just too much for your mother to have to clean up. If they can afford it, hire someone to help with the cleaning. I also think the idea of contacting APS or maybe the county social worker to find out what help is available is a good idea. It sounds he's just too much for your mother to handle - probably too much for anyone alone to take care of.
Babalou...I will definitely contact his doctor and explain the situation. Also I will contact Adult Protective Services for advice.
Eyerishlass...very good advice, thank you!
GardenArtist....Fortunately, I can pay all their bills online. He is aware that I do that. He isn't able to pay the bills. He can't even write a check. He has RA so his hands are very crippled. Mom has always done everything for him and now she just can't. He's having a real hard time with it. Yes, I take mom out to lunch and when I invite him he won't go. He acts like a spoiled child. I know I can't change the way he behaves, but I so want him to feel good and be happy. Also, I didn't mention it in my earlier post, but they are both hoarders. This in itself stresses mom out. She doesn't want people to visit (except for immediate family). I have spent many a weekend trying to clean, sort, organize and throw away stuff with her permission, but give them a couple months and the mess is back. They have several rooms that you cant even walk in because of so much stuff. I'm sure you've seen the TV show about hoarders, well they're a prime example. They can't afford a cleaning person. They can barely afford their meds. I help financially when I can. The mess would scare off a cleaning person! :) I worry about BOTH of them. They used to be so in love and happy and now its like they can hardly tolerate each other. I feel like something's gotta give. I'm sure you guys are struggling as well with your family situations. I'll keep you in my prayers.
Does he use hearing aids? Would they help? Does he have adult children as well?