My Dad (83) is a Vet and in good health. What steps should I take now to prevent any concerns in the future as he ages?
Looking for resources or an insight of what should I "expect" as my father grows older. Are there steps I should be taken at this time to prepare us. My dad has recently (3 years ago) become widowed, I (no legal document) handle the vast majority of his affairs. Although my father is competent & in good health and I "oversee" his decisions, I found this task of decision making is becoming more difficult as he ages. We recently discussed his Last Arrangements; Death & although he is undecided having a Military funeral opposed to a traditional one, I found it difficult at his age to obtain any Term Life policies to cover the latter. So any help or directions would be greatly appreciated. (He is a member of the VA & does receive benefits, to what extent is still undetermined on my part. Thank you greatly!
5 Answers
Popular Questions
Related Questions
- I am a widow of a 100% disabled vet and have been recieving DIC since 1981 (service related). Can I receive Aid and Attendance?
- My deceased Dad was a Korean War vet. His widow, my Mom is home bound due to a stroke. Is she eligible?
- If veteran is put into nursing home care, does his pension decrease?
- With the VA or Medicare/Tricare pay for a retired veteran's wife's hoyer lift?
Fortunately I have a network of caregivers, RN's, HHA, & CNA's within the family I would be likely to rely on if health concerns rise to that level. Unfortunately I have first hand experience at caring for a couple of my siblings with terminal illnesses that ended their lives at a very early age. That experience educated me on the Health Care Cost & Care along with the "business" of Funeral Expenses. My dad has also witnessed how death in our family can emotionally & financially be straining. This is the origin of our "pre-planning".
As a military man for decades who raised 12 sons (men) & 3 wonderful daughters he is an strong, independent man who has never asked for anything. It is MY privilege to do whatever needs to be done...after all HE raised me!!!!!
My objective through the next several years, as my dad ages, that he will never feel like a burden. That it is our time to take care him. God Bless all & again, Thank you!
1. I too handle many of my father's financial and legal affairs, but my father also has a complete estate plan which he created after my mother died. So I would start there, just because we never know what might happen, or when.
a. I would first find an Estate Planning and/or Elder Law attorney in that great old whaling town of New Bedford or environs. (What a place to live - all that history!!) I'm partial to mid size law firms with an EP or EL practice, as opposed to single practitioners. I've seen and am currently encountering single practitioners who just don't have the professionalism, savoir faire, experience or contacts and support that a law firm offers. A well respected firm also has standards of conduct, that I've often found lacking in solo practices.
b. A good law firm will also provide you with a checklist of documents, issues, assets, etc. to complete before the first meeting, so you can discuss the full gamut of your father's assets in conjunction with the best ideas for preserving and transferring them.
c. You'll want to get a Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) which authorizes someone (presumably you) to handle legal and financial affairs, a Living Will, or Medical POA which authorizes someone to make medical decisions if he's unable to do so. Discussion should also be whether a Will or Living Trust is appropriate.
d. If your father selects a Living Trust, be sure to ask about the issue of "funding" the trust, by which assets (such as a home, financial products) are retitled in the name of the Trust. Of specific concern are IRAs, because the taxation rate on IRAs in Trusts is a compressed rate and can be a tax nightmare.
2. Prepare (a) a list of medications and (b) medical history for your father. Dad and I both keep the med list (printed on a 3" x 5" index card) with us at all times. The med history includes vital information such as name, contact numbers, family, Medicare and secondary policy information and policy numbers, then specific sections for meds, allergies, pacemaker data, current conditions, hospitalizations, past but possibly relevant illnesses, and contact info for all treating physicians.
When we go to the ER or a new doctor, I give them the history (about 8 pages of data, generally in table format and indexed by table of contents at the beginning), to copy what they want to (one category/topic per page so they can copy only the pages they want).
I sometimes keep copies of the Living Will with the history, all in a 1/2" 3 ring binder that fits nicely into the "go bag" I also carry (which has gardening magazines for me and a legal pad for notes), sometimes chocolate and sometimes a jar of cinnamon for stress reduction (that's for me, not Dad!).
3. I don't think you'll be able to get any insurance policies at this stage. Did your father have VA term life policyi? If so, that will mature eventually (I can't remember the life span or maturation conditions), but it will be a nest egg on which he can rely.
4. Review his VA data to determine if he gets anything beyond health benefits, if he has a service connected disability, if he's eligible for glasses and hearing aids. VA now has a CHOICE program under which someone who lives more than 40 miles from the nearest VA can alternately choose doctors in the community as part of his/her VA supported health care. That's a lot more convenient than a trip to the VA.
But think seriously about not taking advantage of the VA prescription medicine program. We withdraw after a VA research doctor acting as a PCP changed a cardiac med w/o consulting Dad's treating cardiologist, who did NOT want Dad to take that med. We had to pay for it even though Dad wouldn't be using it. So we opted out of the VA pharmacy program.
5. This is just my personal opinion, but I researched pharmacies and specific drugs to find a pharmacy that gets meds primarily from American or Canadian or industrialized country pharmaceutical manufacturers. Since there's so much competition with small grocery store and other pharmacies, I found that some of them get meds on a cheaper basis, but they're sourced if not manufactured in emerging market countries with dubious if any quality control. I won't buy meds if they're manufactured in an emerging market country.
6. Emergencies. Stock your car with heavy duty winter clothing, emergency gear, blankets, OTC medical supplies, energy munchies, and take water whenever you drive. In your blizzard area, being caught outside in one with an older parent could be fatal. I make as many appointments as I can before winter and try to slide through the winter months without taking my father out except on warmer sunny days when the pavement is dry.
7. Become knowledgable with assistive devices - canes, grabbers, walkers, rollators. Know their different purposes, strengths and weaknesses in case your father eventually needs assistance.
8. Evaluate his living space for grab bars; consider having some installed before the need becomes critical.
9. If he lives alone, consider making and freezing meals for him in microwaveable containers so he can heat up meals for himself on those days when blizzards are keeping people inside and warm.
10. Consider a back-up heat source, such as a gas fireplace in one room where he could stay if a power failure occurs, or better yet, a generator. Stock the room with extra blankets, thermal gear, etc., in case he needs to hunker down and can't get to your house before the blizzard.
11. Let your father help plan - consider it a mission (maybe "Mission Aging"?) and your discussions as mission briefings. The military mind seems to go into high gear when planning is on the agenda, and this way he can become part of planning for contingencies of his own life.
12. Depending on his interests, explore activities at senior centers, libraries, and free summer concerts. We usually find 2 or 3 free ones a summer, so that provides a nice stimulation to get out into the fresh air, be with others even though they're strangers, and listen to foot stomping music in usually a park setting.
13. Think of what might keep him interested during the cold winter months that doesn't require battling snowstorms. If he reads, stock up on books, or e-books if that's his preference. My father gets military magazines, he has a collection of WWII books, and can keep himself entertained for quite a while. Sometimes when he needs human contact I suggest he contact various friends living out of town or out of state, perhaps once a week, just to keep in touch.
14. Check with neighbors to see if they're willing to provide "eyes and ears" to just keep an eye out for your father if he's walking around the neighborhood, and alert you if they think he needs attention or isn't feeling well. I got some of the best insight from my "observers".
15. For winter, make sure to arrange for a service to take care of sidewalk and driveway clearing, especially for emergency services. Same with mail; sometimes neighborhood children will get the mail and deliver it to the house (assuming your father has roadside, not porch mail delivery) for some nice little treats.
16. Meals on Wheels might also be an alternative if your father isn't driving.
17. The ROMEO (Retired Old Men Eating Out) group gets together once a month; it could be one of his military groups if he's involved with some, or maybe folks with whom he's formerly worked. One of the restaurants we visit has a dedicated military corner for the vets who meet there for breakfast on a regular basis.
18. If he needs assistance in keeping up the house, start now and don't wait until it's much later. He'll feel more comfortable if he doesn't have to deal with dishes, laundry, vacuuming, and heavier levels of maintenance.
I'm sure that by the time I get this finished you'll have a lot of other answers, especially about planning for caregiving and in-home assistance, so I'll stop now and let others have a chance to contribute as well!
I would suggest as priorities you look into the following:
POA. Power of attorney
End of life/ living will documents. Including DNR and organ donor decisions.
Funeral and burial arrangements
Updated will
It's great that you are thinking ahead!