My cousin and sister have done many sneaky things to take control of my moms life. She moved in with my husband and I a year ago.
Mom has short term memory loss but understands everything. So when she is reminded of what they have done she gets mad and doesn't want to see them, but then they call or show up and she is loving with them. I don't want to keep reminding her of the bad stuff but I feel like I have to to keep her from being manipulated again. I keep waiting for them to sneak her to another lawyer or doctor and talk her into something that she doesn't fully understand because they omit the facts that would help her make the right decision.
How can we let her continue to enjoy her golden years (she is 95 and in great health) without all the stress of their deceit ?
The thing is, the sneaky things these people did to take control of your mother's life were, QED, unsuccessful, were they not. You, however, successfully took control of your mother's life and moved her in with your husband and yourself. Your next step is to gain guardianship of your mother on the grounds of her loss of capacity. Since you are claiming that she is unable to make sound decisions because of her short-term memory loss, you cannot at the same time claim that she has the necessary capacity to give you power of attorney.
I have to say this. While I understand your anger with your sister's and your cousin's exploitation of your mother, and your fear that they might continue to take advantage, I repeat that the taking control appears to be being done by you. It isn't just a matter of where she lives, it's also your determination not to allow her to think well of them or to "be loving" with her own daughter. Your deceitful, manipulative sister is still her daughter. Don't deprive her of that.
You also bite your tongue and withhold any criticism of her visitors. For what little time she has left, let her enjoy their attention lie a warm sunny day.
Address their errors to them, privately and not in her presence.
You know, from your report here, what these relatives are capable of. Keep your eyes and ears open when they are around. But, don't prevent them or your mother from seeing one another. For what it's worth...
Be sure you have her Trust/will - POA - Health Care POA, etc.
If they are up to no good (been there done that) they will disappear soon enough when there is nothing to be gained.
If they are truly there just to see your Mom they can surely understand that a short visit will make her happy without tiring her out.
You are the one who has to deal with any negative stimulus they cause (after they leave) since she lives with you and you are providing care. That means you call the shots as to what keeps Mom happiest.
Visits are great - you don't need to explain anything to Mom (she will forget)
Let her enjoy the company -
Just keep an eye on family as you would anyone who is dealing with your impaired Mom
How do they "manipulate" her into things?
If you were more specific about the things that they have done, it might result in better feedback from members of this site.
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