Mthr has moderate AD, and is a 9 month survivor of stage 2c colon cancer. She has been in Assisted Living/Memory care for almost a year. Recently, she has been calling the office to talk to my husband, mad that I have her checkbook, and asking when her sentence to that place will be over.
She varies between asking him to call her mother (dead for 32 years) and tell her she will spend the summer at her house, to demanding she be returned to her own house (which will be demolished later this summer). She claims no one told her that her father in law had died so that she would not get any of the inheritance (He died 40 years ago, and I remember cleaning out his house!). She has always hated me, so her antagonism towards me is nothing new.
Any ideas of how to deal with this unhappy state when she calls hubby, or when I visit and she gets on a roll?
Orangeblossom, you have some really good strategies! I LOVE the "you will miss dinner" or "NH wants everyone home by 7." That is a wonderful idea!
The most important part of your post is"you will have to tell her very matter of factly that if she is going to treat you rudely, that you will leave and the Nurses can deal with her bad manners. Then just leave!!" Thank you for telling me that and giving me a backbone! I will indeed!
Everything went pretty well, except she claims she has no problem sleeping, and her 20 lb gain in the last 2 mos is due to a really good cook at the home. With her behaviors and my reports, doc prescribed Zoloft for the depression and Lunesta for sleep until Zoloft starts helping.
When we took her back to her room, I swapped out magazines and picked up her trash (she hoards, too). I picked up drafts of letters she was writing to some folks back home. She really hates me and thinks I am stealing her money. It is so sad that she has no concept of how much pain I have gone through to save her life and provide her a good place to call home. Sniff.
Think of a tragic accident. It happened. You can't explain it. It had nothing to do with you personally, yet it upset you. Of course, but then you have to deal with the reality and get on with life. See to her necessary care and let the rest go. :) xo
However... Then we took the kid to college and were not able to go visit for about 3 weeks. While we were gone, I knew she called husband's office, where his asst talked to her. Apparently she also called here, wanting us to get her out of the home, since she had come with another gal over to see the owner and see what her place looked like, but now she was kidnapped and could not leave!
Two weeks passed, and she left the same basic message on the machine this am, but tearful. I don't believe she remembered the first instance. And she has been in the home for more than a year now.
Any ideas? Is this progression of the disease? Indication for larger dose of Zoloft? or maybe her prescription expired? Have email into home's manager since it was so late when I listened to messages.
On the bright side, kid is happy and doing well in college classes. He does not want to hear about her, so I am NOT bringing her behavior up.