My father only passed away three weeks ago. He was 84. He had a stroke three years ago and recently died of heart failure. The doctor had told us he had 6 months to one year, but he died two days after we got the news. I was his full time caregiver till he passed. I keep replaying the last day together. I wished I had never left his side. We were meeting the OT and PT that day. He was very weak. He struggled to hold his drink and dropped it twice. I held the can for him and even gave him his coffee and fed him some pudding. I left for work and two hours later I got the call from the hospital doctor my father had passed. I was in shock. I'm angry at myself that I left that day. Everyone tells me he is not suffering anymore and in peace. But I am selfish and wanted my dad to be with us longer. I know he wasn't happy but at least he was with still with us. But now he is gone and I don't know how to go on.
My Dad also passed too soon, as he appeared to be recovering from his last illness. He had kept his sense of humor right up until the day before. Apparently he was ready to transition but I wasn't.
Do not be angry at yourself for not being by your Dad's side when he passed, I wasn't either. Some people rather pass when their grown children are not in the room. Even if you were in the room, he might have waited for you to leave even if you had plan to leave for a few minutes.
The way I am dealing with this is that my Dad had missed my Mom so very much, as she had passed just before Christmas of last year. My folks had been married for 72 years, that was a long time. Dad's caregiver said she would hear my Dad call out my Mom's name late at night.
But he still went too early. He was 95 years old.
I'm so sorry you have lost your Father and I'm sorry it was so fast and unexpected.Take care of yourself in the days ahead.Lu
I visited with him several times through the week I was there. Then had to return to my life which I am still working on rebuilding. Three days after my return the call came that he had passed. I am so happy that I was able to see him in his final days and he was very happy to see me as well.
I did everything I could for four difficult years, and was able to get out to see him just once more. I believe he wanted me to return and certainly understood why I could not stay and wait.
I am so sorry for your loss. You did what you could and as much as you could, that is all anybody would ask from you. There is nothing for you to feel sorry about.
My dad was on hospice in a nursing home when he died. I had cared for him in my home until I could no longer do it. Once he moved into the nursing home I found a job. I visited him as much as I could. Probably too much as it was a detriment to my health.
We got him on hospice on a Tuesday and I was with him all that week however I had to work Fri., Sat., and Sun. all 12 hour shifts. After my 12 hour shift on Saturday I had to drive right by the nursing home to get home and it occurred to me to stop in to see him. He'd be asleep as it was late and I had to work again at 8am the next morning. I decided to stop in and see him the next night instead. As was my habit I called the nursing home when I got home to check on my dad and I was told that he had just passed away. Had I stopped in I would have been there when he died but he died alone.
I wish I had been there but I made the best decision I could with the knowledge that I had and I knew I couldn't beat myself up about it. It happened the way it was supposed to happen.
My dad died 3 years ago and I miss him everyday.
We all die. It's hard to accept but it is true. It doesn't lessen our pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a real and great loss and sometimes it's said that our loved ones like to slip away when we are not there. It's as if they are waiting for the moment they are alone. I'm sure it's difficult for you to know just what to do with yourself as you were so involved with care taking. It will take time for you to adjust. We all know about being burned out. I'm sure you were doing the best you could do under the circumstances. We all have to let it go and move forward. Do the best you can with those in your life today. That's the best penance we can serve for any perceived shortcomings of the past.