My mums currently in a hospice, given 72 hrs to live 2 weeks ago, due to rapid deterioration after 6 yrs battling numerous cancers. She was actually due to be discharged 2 days after the doctors called me in. I’ve always been her caregiver my entire life, more so with the cancer. I've been there everyday for her at home & the hospice. Since the diagnosis I’ve managed to visit 3 times. It’s destroying me to see her dying, despite knowing this was coming for years. Yet it’s killing me imagining her alone? I’ve lost that place of strength to stop the tears and be there for her. She’s 58 I’ve just turned 30. It’s always just been us, no other immediate family & im letting her down now? Any help would be greatly appreciated x
Is Mum currently in a hospice facility, rather than being at her house? That can be a wonderful blessing, knowing that help is available to her at all hours. It can allow you limit your contact time with her to periods you can accept.
If I were in your mother's situation, I would except my children to be sad. I would expect them to cry. If they had a stiff upper lip each time I saw them I'd probably wonder if they weren't going to miss me. But I also wouldn't want every visit to be consumed with sadness.
Here are some things I think I'd like to hear:
"Mom, thanks for doing such a good job of raising me to be independent. I'm glad to be able to take care of myself now."
"Seeing that xxx reminds me of the time we yyyy."
"I'll never forget the time you helped me with xxx. I think of it when other people need my help."
I fed my father the last thing he ate -- a little cup of ice cream in the hospital. I told him my memory of eating an ice cream cone for breakfast when he took me to the fair, at about age 7. I told him all my other memories of that long-ago event. I hope it was a comfort to him to know that things he had done as a parent will live on in our memories.
I don't know how lucid your mother is, but I suspect it would be better for you to be there with a few tears than to be absent. Talk to a hospice nurse. He or she may have suggestions for you at this point. They've been through this many, many times.
Blessings,
Jamie
So do what you need to do and just be sure to tell your mom you love her and anything else you need to say. You have been there for her when she needed you, so if you're not there during her final moments, you've still been a loving daughter. {{{Hugs}}}