I cannot convince the 86 year old man I am a live-in caregiver to pay me as little as twenty dollars a day. He is clearly a covert narcissist who feels entitled to keep me here as his personal slave. I spent all my savings to rescue him from sure death in a nursing home after he had brain surgery to remove a fungal ball. He is my ex's father. At the time I was grateful to have a place to stay during covid. I was paid some in the beginning by his grown children who were aware he had money hoarding issues. He has recovered but is high risk of falling. I'm thinking seriously of taking him to small claims to get back some of my lost wages. What do you think?
I think that you should pack your bags and leave, go to a shelter and get your life back on track.
Nothing changes, if nothing changes, time for you to make a change!
Good Luck!
Even if you could get him to sign an employment contract, it's complicated to be his privately hired in-home caregiver as this makes him an actual employer. Then he has to comply with the employment rules for his state, and do the whole SS and Medicare withholding/contribution with every paycheck, create a W2 every year, do quarterly deposits, etc. Highly unlikely.
Therefore, I support those who say you should move out. Don't tell him -- just go and then call social services before you actually leave, or notify his children that you're leaving. Don't give any reason except you don't want to do it anymore (if you give a reason they will negotiate with you and you might cave in). Be done with him and move on. APS will take care of all his needs.
Did they pay you $200 a week in checks with a notation in the memo line saying what the check were for? Or did they pay you cash? If it was cash, there's no paper trail. If there's no notation on the checks, it is he said/she said situation.
Also, if you were being paid, were you reporting it on your income taxes? If so, how?
I'm glad you have the option to live somewhere (in your van). How much are you going to sue him for? In my state the max is $15K. Go to the Concilliation Court website for the state. You should be able to download packets of forms. This will tell you if you have enough to prove your case. If you do get it into the court system, and even if you win, the money won't come to you very quickly if he doesn't just write you a check... garnishment takes a while.
Never spend money on others you need for yourself. Never do any Caregiving job without a contract and everything on the up and up. There are laws for live-ins. You only work a certain # of hours a day with time off. Family either hires another aide to fill in or does the caring.
To avoid it being blatant blackmail, you probably need to be ready to lodge the claim and you need to check out the local media. In other words, be ready to do it for real, out of genuine indignation about what’s happened to you (and to too many others). It’s a good ‘human interest’ story. You don't say 'unless you pay up I am going to...'. You say 'I am going to' and wait for them to suggest a pay up.
If it goes to Court, you won’t win. But there are other wins besides court. They may choose to settle.
Since the deal no longer works for you, time to move on.
Find new accomodation, let him know the date you are leaving. Advice he will need to make other care arrangements. Help him call his local Area of Aging if you wish to help start the process.
The lost wages are broken promises. Hard to prove without a work contract. Avoid bitterness, just move on.