My 55 year old SIL is a psychiatrist. She has recently taken early retirement. My 80 year old MIL (ex-MIL, to be strictly accurate) lives in her own home of 58 years, with a hired live-in companion during the week, spending weekends with either my SIL or my ex and his wife. Absurdly, this question is about bras. My MIL has put on a little weight so that her bras no longer fit comfortably. "So" she has thrown away all of them, except one. You know, like you do before you've found others you like... Anyway. My SIL has taken her on three abortive shopping expeditions, including an appointment with an experienced lingerie fitter; in addition SIL has run two errands exchanging unsuitable bras. All have been rejected. SIL is fed to the back teeth with this performance. But meanwhile MIL has only one bra: this gives her an authentic need for new underwear and therefore a juicy grievance. The current paid companion (they have trouble keeping them. For some reason) is new this week and not yet up to taking MIL to the mall. I have run out of suggestions. There is no mileage in saying to my MIL 'whose fault is it anyway', and her build means that she cannot comfortably or hygienically go without foundation garments. I feel that my SIL has been set up and trapped. What can she do to end this farce?
She once sneered at my new cosy sheepskin slippers because she will only ever wear gold leather mules and considered mine 'frumpy.' Yes I do bear a grudge. Nobody disses my slippers if they want to be my friend...
MIL toyed with dementia symptoms until she realised it might lead to loss of control (she's not demented. She's always been a neurotic tantrum-thrower and dog-with-a-bone obsessive). Next she reported heart flutters (there weren't any). She "can't" be left alone (there is absolutely nothing wrong with her. Nothing). She insists that SIL accompanies her to all medical appointments but refuses to allow her to express an opinion or ask questions. She flatly refuses to consider anti-anxiety medication.
In short, MIL is a textbook Narcissist of the Queen variety, and SIL is her unsatisfactory lady-in-waiting. I want to tell SIL to delegate the bra buying business, but I'm not doing it and I can't think of another "volunteer."
JessieBelle, don't you like any of the mainstream makes? Good old Playtex! - who hasn't had a Doreen at some point? :) Plus we have Marks & Spencer, supplier of reliable knickers to the entire UK population pretty much, at some stage in their lives; but they too have been rejected. I'm wondering if going for a label with some kind of specialism to it - pure cotton, Rich & Famous, endorsed by show jumpers, anything - might do the trick.
Ladies try optifit dot com for instructions on how to put a bra on!!!!! made me smile
Because your question was the first I asked SIL - what brand is MIL used to, what style. And she not only doesn't know about MIL, she's pretty vague about herself!
I have read surveys that claimed that the average woman - oh, you know what these surveys are like - has a drawer full of underwear but only two bras that fit and only one matching set that was a present from an unsavoury boyfriend that she never wears, that kind of thing.
Well, of course I read these 'surveys' with a pinch of salt; but now I'm wondering when MIL last invested in proper underwear, and whether in fact she has ever had it professionally fitted (as any woman with an embonpoint worth mentioning really ought to, at some stage).
I know I am a little bit close to the other end of the spectrum - this is one of the very few things I am neat about, everything matched and folded together, and items regularly overhauled on a three strikes (i.e. put back because I don't want to wear them) and out basis.
But surely by the time you get to fifty, let alone sixty or eighty, you know whether you like underwired or not, deeper fitting or not, lace or smooth, seam free or what - don't you?
What is normal??
But MIL was taken for a fitting, didn't you say? What did she dind wrong with those garments.
My late MIL, who did have some dementia, went to fitting and then found fault with the bra because there was supposed to be more substantial discount than she recieved or so she thought (she was one of those "everyone's out to take my money"types ).
So, is SiL wanting your advice, or help? Or is she just wanting a sympathetic ear?
Or was that peephole shoes and crutches when you fall over?
The temptation is to think 'oh for God's sake', order two styles in four sizes, take them over there and get this sorted. But for one thing that's not for me to do, and anyway I can't until September; and for another I half suspect that MIL is quite enjoying herself.
The only other thing I can think of is to send some catalogues, then they can have weeks of fun with mail order. But at least the companion will be able to handle that and it won't all fall on SIL.
I learned my lesson about fitting early on, when my mother took me to a terribly unfashionable musty old shop, I told the (to my eyes) withered crone assistant my size, and she looked at me scornfully and said "no you're not" before bringing three beautiful bras in exactly the right size to the changing room. I was so impressed that she could tell at a glance that I have had proper respect for these ladies' lore ever since. Boy, do they know their stuff.
I have these wonderful Natori sports bras, all cotton, very supportive.
Also, i wonder if the fastening in the back has become a problem, due to arthritis or shoulder problems. Can someone show her how to fasten in the front and then turn them around? Or a front fastening model?
I don't know how MIL has been in the habit of putting on her bras. I'd quite like to see the expression on her face if I asked her... or would I. Sometimes she walks around as gingerly as if every joint was agonising and she can't imagine why no one is offering to carry her. Next minute she's skittering across the room to grab the best chair quick.
I will put to SIL the top five options:
1. Rigby & Peller, by appointment, arranged on Royal Doulton platters. Or should that be Crown Derby? Not to worry - we can line them with silver tissue paper and she'll never know.
2. Sports bras, pull on or fastening options, seam-free cotton and panelled options.
3. Her old ones dug out of the garbage if it hasn't already been collected, the daft old trout.
4. Longer line ones so that the fit is snug but doesn't dig in. Not sure who still makes them - is Berlei still going does anyone know?
5. Playtex Cross Your Heart. For old times' sake.
I agree with you about the variations in size between makes; though my solution is to stick to two or three makes who conform to my personal template.
Tell my MIL to lose weight! Oh I love it! ROFL!!! Better yet - I'll get Daughter 1 to do it, and dress it up as medical advice. Revenge is sweet: Daughter may have forgiven her grandmother for those long-ago comments, but I haven't.
I think sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees. Especially when one of them's fallen on top of you.
I remember the first time I had a week's worth of undies -- I felt like I'd died and gone to heaven. And I had two -- count 'em TWO -- bras! I felt so rich and powerful and confidant ...
The same with Cosabella. The red one fits, the two beige ones don't (too small). I'd forgotten that long ago lesson ... Sigh.
Yes, aren't bras expensive! I like the Cosabella ones; they are the least expensive when I buy them on sale (and I do -- abt $25 to $35 reduced from $55 - $65). NOT paying $50 for a bra.