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Family took letter from doctor stating my mother had 6 months or less to hospice when my mother was on no breathing machines was alert and could eat, talk and walk and communicate on her own when they began the process of ending her life.
OK, so you have regrets that you couldn't care for her, that is understandable. But you can't beat kidney cancer. Sooner or later it spreads, it becomes unbeatable and untreatable. That's when Hospice comes in. Failing kidneys do not remove toxins. The patient loses their connection with reality. They are confused, they are delusional and they hallucinate. Nobody can fix that. They called Hospice and did not tell you to save you the emotional trauma of knowing. I've been through this, there is great pain in knowing this is where it ends.
The only way you can file suit with the "damages" you seek is if you file it yourself. No attorney will file suit requesting a public acknowledgment. Neither would a judge sustain that kind of lawsuit.
What you would open yourself up to though is a countersuit in which your siblings request that their costs and attorney fees be paid by you for a "frivolous" lawsuit, which is probably how it would be classified.
I am sorry for your loss; I'm sure it's very difficult to accept, but as you write in the post prior to this one, your mother knew she "was on the last stage of living."
To say that her death was "brought on artificially" is not a conclusion that could be made without examination of the records of hospice by a doctor.
Try to think of her death as one which offered more comfort and less pain and agony because of hospice's involvement. If you can think in these terms, it might help ease the pain of her loss.
Losing one's mother is traumatic; perhaps this is your way of accepting her passing. But try not to make yourself miserable thinking in terms of forcing an acknowledgment from your siblings. It can only prolong your grieving and discomfort.
There is no "last phase medicine"!!! There is no any "phase" medicine. I don't know who's been filling your head with this garbage or what you are reading but that's just 100% wrong!!! I'm sorry for your loss and perhaps grief is clouding your thinking or maybe you're feeling badly that you couldn't care for your mother yourself beyond what you did - but you've got to get this erroneous thinking to stop. Your not doing anyone any good - including yourself - by insisting hospice is some kind of death machine. It's just plain foolish talk and I am truely sorry to be so blunt while you are grieving. Hospice helps people by making the process of dying less painful and less stressful - especially for the patient. Yes, hospice provides pain medication and anxiety medication. Yes, a side effect of some pain and anxiety drugs do sometimes slow breathing BUT it is in NO WAY the primary objective - or the objective in any way. Would you have rather your mother suffered a painful passing? I doubt it - it's an awful thing to have to watch. Personally, I consider hospice staff truely remarkable people with the noblest of intentions - mercy and comfort to the dying. Please - do some more learning regarding hospice. Talk to people who have had a loved one in a hospice program. Stop these wild accusations - it's just not rational.
You are totally uninformed about what hospice is and how it works.
Your are badly uninformed about what our court system is for and how it works.
Your dear mother dies and your first reaction is to take your family to court to make them admit they made bad decisions? Wow. Just wow. That is some very uninformed thinking!
If you go to the service next Saturday and make a scene over this, it will reflect very badly on you, not your sisters, and it surely will do nothing to heal the rift between you.
I see that there is a lot of animosity here. Your family forced you to care for your mother beyond what you were capable of. Your family didn't communicate with you fully about their decisions. Your sisters won't give you your mother's hats.Your sister doesn't want you for a roommate any more. All this is very painful for you, and adds to your overwhelming grief. But sue them for this? Get a grip!
Rather that seeking relief in a courtroom, consider counseling. A therapist can help you more at this painful point in your life than a lawyer could.
I don't think you understand what hospice is. It doesn't make a person die. It just provides help that comes to your house. In other words provides nurses and medicine that keeps people in comfort. It does not provide medicine that kills people or speeds up their death. Or you can choose to go to a hospice care facility and get 24 hour care. They do not speed up your death or assist you in suicide.
A vent is not a requirement for Hospice. Did Mother pass away, or is this still ongoing? My father just "shut down" due to diabetes and ALZ, and hospice was a blessing
Uninformed, please see a psychiatrist or neurologist as soon as possible. Find out why this is so hard for you to deal with in a real-time aspect. You know why they lied to you; they knew you would go to pieces. You have gone to pieces. You want revenge. You want to hurt them via lawsuit, because killing them is not an option. The five stages of Grief are shock, disbelief, anger, despair and Acceptance. You display all of the first four and need medical help at this point.
uniformed, I just went into your profile about your mother and you had written "My mother would have never agreed to ending life in such a manner. She would have wanted to die on her own. She never spoke about any desire to do anything different."....
OMG, do you have any idea how horribly painful it would be dying from cancer without Hospice giving that person comfort? I really don't think that would be something you would want your mother to go through.
My Mom had Hospice during her last few weeks and I was so glad they were there. I am not a physician but I studied night and day and learned enough about the physical aspects that my Mom was facing plus the accelerated dementia she was now facing. It was so sad seeing her that way, but I knew there would be no reversal to her medical condition. Mom passed on peacefully which we would want for anyone to go through at their final journey.
uninformed, Hospice does not give lethal doses. Hospice does not come in unless the patient agrees to it, the MD agrees to it and the patient is evaluated. I don't know what you would sue for ??? What was her medical issue?
Uninformed, I am so sorry about your mom's illness and passing.
Do you have a good friend who could help you, someone who knows your sisters and gets along with them well? Give yourself a few days to let things sink in and try to catch your breath first. Ask your friend in a very non-accusatory way talk to one of your sisters, and explain that you are really having a hard time with what happened and that you would like more information so you can try to understand and begin processing the loss which you hadn't anticipated coming so quickly. Try to have an open mind, because there is a very good chance your mom would have truly suffered without hospice, and your sisters were probably suffering too. It is so, so difficult to see a loved one in pain. Your sisters probably were exhausted because it is very difficult and traumatic to see someone through the kind of illness your mom had. You are caring for the person with the hope they will be better but at some point it is clear their condition will not improve, and that is when hospice is brought in, by a doctor's approval. This is not a decision your sisters could make on their own. They have also been through a tremendous loss and though you are in shock, the kindest thing is to try your best to think of how your sisters have been hurting too. If you accuse them of doing something horrible to your mom when they most likely truly were doing what was in her best interest, you will cause them even more pain.
Before you make any decisions, figure out what your mom's condition was, how the decision to bring in hospice was made, what drugs she was given. You are her daughter and it will help you to be at peace with the decision if you know how it was made. But you have to be patient, be a good listener, be open minded, and at least consider that your sisters did the right thing.
I am really sorry for you. It does sound like your sisters and mom were trying to protect you from knowing how bad your mom's situation really was, but then that does add to the shock later. I have been by someone's side when they were scared and in a lot of pain at the end of their life and it is the last thing you would want for a loved one. Your family was with your mom at the end and that must have been a tremendous comfort to her. I wish you peace and hope that you and your sisters begin to heal from what sounds like a very difficult week.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Failing kidneys do not remove toxins. The patient loses their connection with reality. They are confused, they are delusional and they hallucinate.
Nobody can fix that. They called Hospice and did not tell you to save you the emotional trauma of knowing. I've been through this, there is great pain in knowing this is where it ends.
What you would open yourself up to though is a countersuit in which your siblings request that their costs and attorney fees be paid by you for a "frivolous" lawsuit, which is probably how it would be classified.
I am sorry for your loss; I'm sure it's very difficult to accept, but as you write in the post prior to this one, your mother knew she "was on the last stage of living."
To say that her death was "brought on artificially" is not a conclusion that could be made without examination of the records of hospice by a doctor.
Try to think of her death as one which offered more comfort and less pain and agony because of hospice's involvement. If you can think in these terms, it might help ease the pain of her loss.
Losing one's mother is traumatic; perhaps this is your way of accepting her passing. But try not to make yourself miserable thinking in terms of forcing an acknowledgment from your siblings. It can only prolong your grieving and discomfort.
You are totally uninformed about what hospice is and how it works.
Your are badly uninformed about what our court system is for and how it works.
Your dear mother dies and your first reaction is to take your family to court to make them admit they made bad decisions? Wow. Just wow. That is some very uninformed thinking!
If you go to the service next Saturday and make a scene over this, it will reflect very badly on you, not your sisters, and it surely will do nothing to heal the rift between you.
I see that there is a lot of animosity here. Your family forced you to care for your mother beyond what you were capable of. Your family didn't communicate with you fully about their decisions. Your sisters won't give you your mother's hats.Your sister doesn't want you for a roommate any more. All this is very painful for you, and adds to your overwhelming grief. But sue them for this? Get a grip!
Rather that seeking relief in a courtroom, consider counseling. A therapist can help you more at this painful point in your life than a lawyer could.
You know why they lied to you; they knew you would go to pieces.
You have gone to pieces. You want revenge. You want to hurt them via lawsuit, because killing them is not an option.
The five stages of Grief are shock, disbelief, anger, despair and Acceptance.
You display all of the first four and need medical help at this point.
OMG, do you have any idea how horribly painful it would be dying from cancer without Hospice giving that person comfort? I really don't think that would be something you would want your mother to go through.
My Mom had Hospice during her last few weeks and I was so glad they were there. I am not a physician but I studied night and day and learned enough about the physical aspects that my Mom was facing plus the accelerated dementia she was now facing. It was so sad seeing her that way, but I knew there would be no reversal to her medical condition. Mom passed on peacefully which we would want for anyone to go through at their final journey.
Do you have a good friend who could help you, someone who knows your sisters and gets along with them well? Give yourself a few days to let things sink in and try to catch your breath first. Ask your friend in a very non-accusatory way talk to one of your sisters, and explain that you are really having a hard time with what happened and that you would like more information so you can try to understand and begin processing the loss which you hadn't anticipated coming so quickly. Try to have an open mind, because there is a very good chance your mom would have truly suffered without hospice, and your sisters were probably suffering too. It is so, so difficult to see a loved one in pain. Your sisters probably were exhausted because it is very difficult and traumatic to see someone through the kind of illness your mom had. You are caring for the person with the hope they will be better but at some point it is clear their condition will not improve, and that is when hospice is brought in, by a doctor's approval. This is not a decision your sisters could make on their own. They have also been through a tremendous loss and though you are in shock, the kindest thing is to try your best to think of how your sisters have been hurting too. If you accuse them of doing something horrible to your mom when they most likely truly were doing what was in her best interest, you will cause them even more pain.
Before you make any decisions, figure out what your mom's condition was, how the decision to bring in hospice was made, what drugs she was given. You are her daughter and it will help you to be at peace with the decision if you know how it was made. But you have to be patient, be a good listener, be open minded, and at least consider that your sisters did the right thing.
I am really sorry for you. It does sound like your sisters and mom were trying to protect you from knowing how bad your mom's situation really was, but then that does add to the shock later. I have been by someone's side when they were scared and in a lot of pain at the end of their life and it is the last thing you would want for a loved one. Your family was with your mom at the end and that must have been a tremendous comfort to her. I wish you peace and hope that you and your sisters begin to heal from what sounds like a very difficult week.
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