Follow
Share

My situation involves elder abuse but I’m the one getting beaten half to death. I’m so out of my mind from hiding the battery for the last 7 years that I don’t know which way is up. He has Behavior Variant Frontotemporal Dementia. He used to be the sweetest man alive. We’ve been married 25 years and now he’s a monster. I can’t accept it. I just got beat up again. I have nearly been killed 5-6 times and am currently in a temp hotel but can’t afford it. It’s all gone off the rails. He’s not ready for housing, doesn’t qualify for aid because his social security is too much but we have no real resources, property, etc. I haven’t worked in 20 years, so I’m basically homeless but am expected to care for him because his lousy family won’t do anything to help him. He lives in the place I found for us but is destroying it. I go over there to visit and help out and am lulled into believing I won’t get the crap beat out of me again. There is no facility that will take him (and he doesn’t qualify yet) so I’m told to go to a homeless shelter except there are no spaces. I have no area family or support. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve lost everything that ever mattered to me. I have huge hematomas on my thighs from the latest battery but by God it’s "my fault for pissing him off". No, I haven’t had him arrested. I’m an idiot. I’ve worked myself into a corner I can’t get out of and feel I have only one option left. Please, somebody tell me there is light to be found. I have no one to help me.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
You need to call 911 and have him removed from the home. No one should be afraid of being beaten by their loved one.

The police and ambulance should take him to a secured hospital unit and doctors should be seeing if they can stabilize his behaviour with medication.

Once he is admitted you state very clearly that it would be an unsafe discharge, that you are not capable of looking after him at home. If need be, turn him over to the state, if his family are unable to help out.
Helpful Answer (8)
Report

I just shake my head to the awful unfairness of this disease.

I met a man caring for his father with this type of dementia. His lovely Dad had attacked his Mother, so he moved in to protect her & care for them both. He lost his marriage & employment in the process. The night a knife was drawn on him as a 'strange man in the house' he learnt it was not a job for a lone caregiver. With a broken heart he called the Police & his Dad was taken into care, first the triage of mental health services, then LTC in specialised dementia care.

He wondered why he had not called the Police or EMS before. He said he was trapped in a *family must care for family* mindset.

But that idea was stopping other forms of help.

After the big change, the grief, the relief, he & his Mother started to heal. He started studying dementia in order to help other families.

I don't know what is stopping you from called the Police or EMS?

I truly hope you can get through this.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Go to the police tomorrow to document the physical domestic abuse. Have them photograph every mark he’s left on you. The man is not only endangering you, but of course himself.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
TobeyOrnott May 2022
I’m going in later today to document. I’m mobilizing legal services and am committed to finding a way to start a new life. We still love each other but when his amygdala kicks in all bets are off. I’ve been sleeping and healing the past few days. I have photos but am still bruised/cut so the police will be able to take pics. I will not have him removed yet. I need to do this in the right order. I am out of the house now and will start making calls to the ombudsman reco’d by an attorney and a divorce lawyer. My husband is gone. He’s still above ground but not in the form i married. I have a history of abuse from childhood. I broke out of that, but I haven’t worked for 20 years and am paralyzed with fear. I’m willing to pay the price to have a life again. I can’t help him anymore. Thank you everyone.
(4)
Report
See 1 more reply
You are right there is no.help for you UNTIL you are ready to help yourself starting with reporting him to the police. There are battered women's shelter that the police would help you locate. There you will be able to find all the help and resources you need to restart your life. But, you are the only one that can start that process. It takes courage and you do have it in there. The first step is always the hardest.

https://theharmonyhouse.org/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoMyJkp__9wIVBuvjBx3f3wOEEAAYAiAAEgKzGvD_BwE


https://www.mcohio.org/social_services_and_income_support/adult_protective_services.php
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I found this:

Family Violence Center: 513-221-HELP(4357)

It's listed on the Emergency Numbers section of the Harrison Ohio Police Department's website.

You've been hiding your husband's violence for seven years. I won't ask why, I just want to point out that hiding hasn't helped him, let alone you. Please make a call to people who might know where to start.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Leave now and go to a shelter for abused women.
Let APS know that your abusive husband is alone, demented, and an adult at risk.
Work your way up to being able to room in with another renter, or share a room in a home. There is no light in staying with someone abusive. There is no option but to leave at this moment. Then see a divorce attorney about division of assets and divorce.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

Call 911 and have him transported to the hospital (or have police take him if he hits you). Do not pick him up, tell the case manager it is unsafe to discharge him home. If he does come back home, you keep repeating the process. Basically, do what Tothill has advised here, and you need to be persistent and unwavering.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Get the local police dept to take you to Rebecca's Place in Cincinnati. They help abused women with housing, food, finding employment. The Greater Cincinnati area has a great deal of support for abused women.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I just looked back to your previous posts. One is from May 2021 the other Sept 2021 both concerning how your husband beats you. Members telling you what you need to do. Your first post is a year old and you are still there.

YOU MUST CALL 911 AND HAVE HIM REMOVED FROM YOUR HOME. You tell the police he is beating you and he needs to be Baker Acted. He needs to be taken to a Psychiatric Hospital and the correct drugs given him. You need to tell the powers that be that you can no longer care for him. If you have to, let the State take over his care. But you make sure they understand that you need your monthly income to live on.

There is help out there but you have to find it. Call Adult protection services. You are a vulnerable adult. YOU have to make the calls to get help. No one else can do it for you. Maybe APS can get him removed. There IS help but you have to take that step. Do not go back to that house until he is removed.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

First of all, you're not an idiot. You are not the first - nor will you be the last - victim of domestic violence that hasn't called 911. And in your case, I'm sure you have even more trepidation to call, considering your husband is suffering from an illness, and you have been taking care of him.

HOWEVER - you cannot be his caregiver if he kills you.

The next time he strikes you - or even threatens to strike you - leave the house, go someplace safe and call 911. Ask the police to meet you where you are. Explain to them the entire situation - including how often this has happened. If they tell you they will have to lock your husband up - and they may have to, depending on their regulations regarding domestic violence, because in some departments there is NO DISCRETION in making a domestic violence arrest - let them. This will put not only him on the radar, but you as well as the victim. Then "the system" can find a place to put him where he will get the help he needs and YOU will be safe.

I get that this is due to the disease, and it's not "his fault". But it's not YOUR fault, either; however, you seem to be the one who is bearing the brunt of this. And you deserve a life and a home where you are safe.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

See All Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter