My situation involves elder abuse but I’m the one getting beaten half to death. I’m so out of my mind from hiding the battery for the last 7 years that I don’t know which way is up. He has Behavior Variant Frontotemporal Dementia. He used to be the sweetest man alive. We’ve been married 25 years and now he’s a monster. I can’t accept it. I just got beat up again. I have nearly been killed 5-6 times and am currently in a temp hotel but can’t afford it. It’s all gone off the rails. He’s not ready for housing, doesn’t qualify for aid because his social security is too much but we have no real resources, property, etc. I haven’t worked in 20 years, so I’m basically homeless but am expected to care for him because his lousy family won’t do anything to help him. He lives in the place I found for us but is destroying it. I go over there to visit and help out and am lulled into believing I won’t get the crap beat out of me again. There is no facility that will take him (and he doesn’t qualify yet) so I’m told to go to a homeless shelter except there are no spaces. I have no area family or support. I can’t take this anymore. I’ve lost everything that ever mattered to me. I have huge hematomas on my thighs from the latest battery but by God it’s "my fault for pissing him off". No, I haven’t had him arrested. I’m an idiot. I’ve worked myself into a corner I can’t get out of and feel I have only one option left. Please, somebody tell me there is light to be found. I have no one to help me.
The police and ambulance should take him to a secured hospital unit and doctors should be seeing if they can stabilize his behaviour with medication.
Once he is admitted you state very clearly that it would be an unsafe discharge, that you are not capable of looking after him at home. If need be, turn him over to the state, if his family are unable to help out.
I met a man caring for his father with this type of dementia. His lovely Dad had attacked his Mother, so he moved in to protect her & care for them both. He lost his marriage & employment in the process. The night a knife was drawn on him as a 'strange man in the house' he learnt it was not a job for a lone caregiver. With a broken heart he called the Police & his Dad was taken into care, first the triage of mental health services, then LTC in specialised dementia care.
He wondered why he had not called the Police or EMS before. He said he was trapped in a *family must care for family* mindset.
But that idea was stopping other forms of help.
After the big change, the grief, the relief, he & his Mother started to heal. He started studying dementia in order to help other families.
I don't know what is stopping you from called the Police or EMS?
I truly hope you can get through this.
https://theharmonyhouse.org/?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIoMyJkp__9wIVBuvjBx3f3wOEEAAYAiAAEgKzGvD_BwE
https://www.mcohio.org/social_services_and_income_support/adult_protective_services.php
Family Violence Center: 513-221-HELP(4357)
It's listed on the Emergency Numbers section of the Harrison Ohio Police Department's website.
You've been hiding your husband's violence for seven years. I won't ask why, I just want to point out that hiding hasn't helped him, let alone you. Please make a call to people who might know where to start.
Let APS know that your abusive husband is alone, demented, and an adult at risk.
Work your way up to being able to room in with another renter, or share a room in a home. There is no light in staying with someone abusive. There is no option but to leave at this moment. Then see a divorce attorney about division of assets and divorce.
YOU MUST CALL 911 AND HAVE HIM REMOVED FROM YOUR HOME. You tell the police he is beating you and he needs to be Baker Acted. He needs to be taken to a Psychiatric Hospital and the correct drugs given him. You need to tell the powers that be that you can no longer care for him. If you have to, let the State take over his care. But you make sure they understand that you need your monthly income to live on.
There is help out there but you have to find it. Call Adult protection services. You are a vulnerable adult. YOU have to make the calls to get help. No one else can do it for you. Maybe APS can get him removed. There IS help but you have to take that step. Do not go back to that house until he is removed.
HOWEVER - you cannot be his caregiver if he kills you.
The next time he strikes you - or even threatens to strike you - leave the house, go someplace safe and call 911. Ask the police to meet you where you are. Explain to them the entire situation - including how often this has happened. If they tell you they will have to lock your husband up - and they may have to, depending on their regulations regarding domestic violence, because in some departments there is NO DISCRETION in making a domestic violence arrest - let them. This will put not only him on the radar, but you as well as the victim. Then "the system" can find a place to put him where he will get the help he needs and YOU will be safe.
I get that this is due to the disease, and it's not "his fault". But it's not YOUR fault, either; however, you seem to be the one who is bearing the brunt of this. And you deserve a life and a home where you are safe.
See All Answers