I'm supportive of my fiance supporting my mother inlaw. However my fiance and hus mother have made theur own agreement that the monthly check he is sending her is going towards the house. They have aledger and are tracking it.
He isn't saving for retirement but insists the money he is sending to his mother is retirement because when she passes some day, she'll leave him the house.
My gut says this is not going to work out.
Any advice? I don't want him to stop helping her but also save for retirement. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
A good example -- this week my mother said she was going to sell the house that is left to me in the will. She said she gets so mad at me that she didn't think it was a bad thing to do. The trouble is that she gets mad at me because of things in her own mind. You can't really depend on inheritance as a retirement plan, because things happen that you can't control. He needs a legal way to protect his investment if he is considering it as part of his/your retirement plan.
One thing no one has mentioned is that YOU will be the obvious choice to be her full time caregiver when the need arises. I think you need to sit down and have a frank discussion with him about all of this.
MIL is living beyond her means, and it WILL affect your financial future. You and your fiance need to have a serious talk about finances -- BEFORE September! Unless he has a fantastic salary way into 6 digits, giving away $7000/year may be more than the family finances can take. Add to that her inquiry about who she will live with all I see is red flags.
What if the daughter takes her in? She will clearly want some of that house value.
I think he is telling me this to make me feel better about him not investing in retirement.
Freqflyer, yes. She is my mothers age but acts years older. She doesn't like any kind of physical activity. Just likes cards and bingo. I am worried that supporting and care for her will go on for years.
She is in good health but already asking about who is going to take her in. After my fiance making these payments to her every month, we'll likely still need to be her care-giver later.
I try not to think about it too much because I'm so in love with her son. My parents are in great health. Mother in late 70s and father early 80s. They also live in AZ and golf almost every day along with other activities. It would break my mothers heart if she knew what was ahead.
My parents lived into their mid-to-late 90's in their own home alone, so will your finance still be paying for the next 20 years?
Geewiz' answer: Yes, he has a sister but she's willed the house to him only with the agreement he helps her with living expenses. Approximately $500 to $600 a month.
MIL is in her 70s. Her health, she is a bit of a hypochondriac but seems to get around ok. Complains a lot about stomach and back issues and super lonely. She is in AZ and we are in Calif. MIL is single.
If Mom cannot pay the mortgage on the house, then she also won't be able to pay for caregivers to help her when that time comes. Nor pay for a health facility to help her with her care.
Now this is the biggee, as mentioned above... Medicaid will place a lien on her house, they don't care who was paying the mortgage or even if there was a mortgage on the house. Medicaid will want whatever equity is in that house to help cover for the cost of taking care of your fiance's mother.
I always believed if an elder is having problems paying for the upkeep on the house, paying the rent/mortgage and property taxes, etc. then it is time to downsize to something more manageable.
On the other hand . . . if she is in her 50s, great health and a spender - I'd suggest it is time to find an affordable living arrangement for her. By the time she passes, she may have used the entire value of the house for her car. And a ledger won't help at all.
While you cannot be sure this will happen...it could happen...and with how health care and life expectancy is in the US...its likely. The money he is sending is not going to be protected the way it would be in a 401k, 403b or IRA. These accounts are where his retirement money should go.
Angel