Surgery was a success, Dad is very ill. Any advice?
Oh this is so hard to write, but I have to talk to someone. My stress is through the roof.
No question, but I need support.
Dad lives in my brother's home. My brother provides incredible support and care to Dad.
Dad has been in and out of hospital multiple times this year, heart, E. Coli infection of his blood (a complication of colon cancer), other complications due to the cancer. But the doctors agreed Dad was a candidate for surgery to remove the tumour.
Now 9 days post op he has an infection, is in incredible pain and has a 50/50 chance of pulling through.
Dad is 93.
Yes, the cancer was causing no end of issues, especially with constipation and blow outs. But Dad was living relatively independently, still able to prepare simple meals, clean up his dishes etc. He needed help with house keeping, laundry etc, but he was alert, engaged and in daily contact with friends and family.
I am pi$$ed off that the surgeons decided to do an invasive surgery on a 93 year old with a significant heart condition. They consider the surgery a success as he survived it.
And yes, Dad wanted the surgery. He planned to live as long as possible.
I live a 5 hour trip away and just started a new job. I will go to my brother's place next weekend to see Dad. Hopefully he survives that long.
My kids other grandfather died last month and their Step Mum's Dad died very unexpectedly 4 days later. It feels like the Grim Reaper is hovering in the shadows waiting to take Dad too.
This is such sad news. Wishing you peace as you go through this difficult journey with your family.
Your situation is mirroring my mine. My 94 year old dad was diagnosed with colon cancer last month. He has a-fib. The surgeons pushed surgery for him also, he chose not to do it. Unfortunately he caught covid in the hospital and ended up being in the hospital for two weeks and two weeks in a rehab facility. He just came home last week and is trying to get back to where he was before he was hospitalized. It is a real mess.
I hope your Dad is kept comfortable.
I have notified my work that Dad is very frail and have permission to leave at a moments notice if needed. Other wise I plan to travel to his city Friday evening and spend the weekend.
He is not going without a good fight.
Sending support to you Tothill.
I hope by now your dad has his meds adjusted so that he is no longer in pain. We are all pulling for him and it is so good your brother is able to be with him now.
Get some rest. Breath. Best of luck with the new job and keep us posted.
So, in reality, the transplant was NOT successful and he should never have been accepted into the program initially. But, hindsight is also 20:20, as they say, and David would have died WITHOUT the new liver, so was it 'wrong' to have done the t/p? I think his wife and children would say "Yes, it was wrong" b/c they are deep in grief right now, but I don't know.
I'm sorry you are going through this right now, and questioning what the 'right decision" was with your dad. When extreme illness is present in a person, I don't think there IS a 'right' answer, personally. It's all a crap shoot and what happens is anyone's guess. It's all in God's hands, is the truth, I think.
Wishing your dad the best of luck with all of this, and I hope you get the chance to visit with him as planned Tothill.
IF your dad chose this surgery, then you must accept that he had his reasons. Even at 93, and sick, people will do anything to fight back death.
If this surgery is going to give dad back some of his passion for life, then I hope it does, in fact, do that. If not, then you will come to terms with what he CHOSE to do. It's hard to maintain anger at someone who has made a decision that they had every right to make.
At any rate, whatever the outcome, I hope you have peace.
((HUGS))
It takes one month for every hour before one feels better again. Thus if surgery was 3 hours, it will take 3 months for the fog to lift. Let's hope that is the case and nothing more serious once the infection clears up.
His last surgery was 40 years ago for his Gall Bladder and he was laid up for weeks. That was when they still did it by the big incision.
I am really worried about my brother. He is enmeshed with Dad, co-dependent and had a breakdown at the last medical crisis before the surgery.
(((hugs))) and prayers for you, dad and your family.
You are wise and correct.
Sending you concern and hugs 🧸️
Sorry that your Dad is so very ill, and had to have surgery at 93.
And you have had other sad losses, as well as distancing yourself from toxic relationships. The caregivers on our forum will be supporting you through this difficult time.
Just wanted to stop by on my way to bed so you won't feel all alone.
Deep breaths as you prepare yourself for what is ahead (for you), (for your Dad). No one knows and of course your Dad could recover-just look at his independence just prior to this surgery!
I know that the grim reaper is only a phrase we use from the Charles Dickens stories, but I understand how you may feel. Your Dad is nearing the end of a long life, but I have no experiences that indicate someone is coming for Dad.
It will be hard enough for you. Adding fear will make it worse.
Maybe the Youtube videos by Atul Gawande might reassure you and agree with your upset whether your Dad should have had the surgery or not. I believe he teaches acceptance as the elderly age or are approaching their end of life. Anyway, it helped me to understand his approach (he is also a cardiac specialist). No voodoo, just a physician.
Hoping you will be okay tonight. Let us know.
“We look for medicine to be an orderly field of knowledge and procedure. But it is not. It is an imperfect science, an enterprise of constantly changing knowledge, uncertain information, fallible individuals, and at the same time lives on the line. There is science in what we do, yes, but also habit, intuition, and sometimes plain old guessing. The gap between what we know and what we aim for persists. And this gap complicates everything we do.”
― Atul Gawande, Complications: A Surgeon's Notes on an Imperfect Science
He also wrote "Being Mortal", which might help you in your thinking.
my prayers for your father. may he pull through.
huge hugs to you, your father, your family.
Is dad telling his team that he in pain? Or is he putting on a brave face for them? Advocate for better pain relief!
((((Hugs))))))
My brother is at the hospital for 3-5 hours a day advocating for Dad. He is being prescribed a form of morphine for the pain.