My 82 year old father has hallucinations seeing people in his house, is forgetful, accusations of people taking things, has parkinson symptoms, and paranoid. He has two loaded guns in the house and still drives. Sister #2 lives with him and she has MS and is forgetful, doesn't take care of the house or cook. I don't think they bathe. Sister #2's daughter lives in Rhode Island and we are in Illinois. Sister #1 found out from niece that sister #2 drove into the front window of a gas station because she forget the car was in drive. Sister #1 told my brother and I. My brother brought it up to our dad and sister #2. My dad had a fit at sister #1 about her talking about taking away his guns and told her to get out of the house. So far, I'm the only one that my dad hasn't had a fit with. I was thinking of taking his side and then slowly trying to convince him to get a power of attorney, etc. He mentioned something to sister #1 about having sister #2 take over everything. Also, when my brother tried talking to him about a power of attorney, he had a fit. Do you think that gaining his trust would work? Sister #1 and brother have given up.
Also, can we be held liable if he shoots someone or hurts/kills someone in a car accident? I don't even know where to begin.
Do I think that gaining his trust and then making changes would work? No, I'm sorry, I do not. If he is currently in paranoia the chances of that working are iffy at best, and would take a long time. Here is what is critical: Remove access to loaded guns, now. Stop his driving, now. This won't be easy, and it will be a huge source of distress for him. It can't be helped. It is necessary.
Whatever it takes, get those guns out of the house or render them inoperable. Weapons should absolutely not be accessible to persons with dementia.
I am of the opinion that healthcare professionals should step up on the driving issue. Shortly after his diagnosis, my husband's geriatrician told him, "I'm sorry, but I am required to report this diagnosis to the state, and they will revoke your driving license." This was EXTREMELY stressful to my husband, but at least he did not blame family members. If you cannot get your father's doctor to cooperate, use Jessie's suggestions to get his license revoked. Of course, that may not be sufficient to stop him from driving, but it is a critical first step.
The Parkinsonisms and the Hallucinations early in the disease make me think of Lewy Body Dementia. Is that the diagnosis he has been given? That is what my husband has had for nearly 9 years now. It is not any more pleasant than any other form of dementia, but on the plus side it does respond better to certain drugs than other forms do. There is no cure, but there is hope of some improvements. I hope that he is being followed by an experienced dementia expert.
Good luck to you!
If you feel he should not be driving, but he will not surrender the keys, alert Public Safety about having him retested to see if he is safe. If he is not able to drive, they will not renew his license. I hope that you can do it in a way that he does not know that it was family members involved. Personally I think that people need to be retested when they are older. I hope I have the wisdom to hang up my keys when it comes time.