I have taken on two people with major problems. What should I do?
My mother is living with me and my younger brother who is 53 years of age has been a co-dependent on my mother about 20. She will not allow anyone to come into the home to be with her but she has asked my brother to come spend time with her once per week. The trouble is that when he comes she finds things to give him and he pays him money due to the feeling that she needs to give him. He takes the stuff and money even when he knows that we are dealing with her severe mood swings and we are pretty she has dementia. She has lived with me for five months now and she has not offered any money to me or offered payment of any kind. We have not taken one cent from her. She is very needy and has the shuffle walk. She uses a walker of just recently due to falling three times in the house. I do not want my brother to visit while we are not home and at work due to her feeling the need to give him money and things so he can sell them to make a living. She has given him about 3200.00 while living with us since May. I do not have POA due to her not signing the paperwork and will not sign the paperwork. I am afraid he will talk her into poa while I am at work and get her to sign papers making him the poa. It is my house can I tell her that he can only come to visit when we are at home? I need to get her diagnosed but getting her to the doctor is another matter. None of my other siblings will help with this matter and they all want me to go for guardianship but nobody wants to help pay for it. There are four other brothers, all older. Do I just get a lawyer and bite the bullet?
If you get an attorney, you will pay him to tell you that the only legal way to control this is to get a court to appoint a guardian. This is not going to be cheap
If she is truly incompetent, then her signature isn't legally binding.
Failing the court process, you will have to get those visits stopped. I don't think you can legally do that either.
So..call APS and report all this. Warn you other brothers about what you are about to do. Senior abuse is also financial abuse. Call in the people who can get authority. Be prepared for them to move her out of your home, since you cannot be with her 24/7. ( if you could...you could stop those visits while she is alone). (Catch-22)
If you get guardianship, you are COMPLETELY responsible for her. If she's uncooperative with you, it's going to be a difficult road to walk.
The next time she falls, call 911. Insist she be taken to the hospital to be checked out. Do NOT show up when they want to discharge her. Let the hospital find a facility with the proper level of care.
Yes, it's your house and you can tell your mom that your brother can't come over unless you're home however your mom's not a guest. She lives there too and despite the potential trouble your brother brings with him he is her son and it may seem to your mom as if you're treating her like a child. I understand it's for her protection but does she see it that way? Instead, how about telling your brother that you'd rather he not visit when you're not home? If that doesn't work then you can talk to your mom but give your brother a chance to respect your wishes first. This is for your mom's sake, not your brother's.
If your attempts to block your brother from sponging off your mom don't work then you can consider guardianship but you will need a lawyer and it is very expensive.
If your other brothers aren't supportive and do nothing to help the situation just go on without them. You're the caregiver and the buck stops with you. It might even be easier on you without their help and support. Many times where there are a number of adult siblings involved in an elderly parent's care it can get very confusing and frustrating because everyone has their own idea of what they think is best and the caregiver ends up in the middle of all of that.
Good luck. It sounds like you really want to do what's right for your mom. She's lucky to have you.
You need to get her into a good care facility NOW before her money is all gone, and she's ineligible for assistance due to gifting.